We’re looking for people to appoint us as their proxy and we’re looking for people to actually attend the meetings so read this and get in touch.

8 Nov, Wed:

Spotless Group, 10am, Leonda, Melbourne. Stephen Mayne going as Alasdair Wardle’s proxy. Keen for any others as this will be a very interesting meeting, especially after Docklands fiasco.

AP Eagers, 9am, 80 McLachlan St, Fortitude Valley, Brisbane. EGM to take League identity Nick Politis from 20% to 35%. Always love a related party transaction so if Aunty Roma from Aspley can’t go we’re looking for a proxy and a quizzer from banana bending country.

9 Nov, Thurs:

Austrim, 10.30am Carlton Crest. Kim Mann and Neville Wright have offered proxies just need someone to ask Alan Jackson some tough questions. Sadly, you’ll have to put up with madman Jack Tilburn dominating the meeting.

TAB Ltd, 10am, Randwick Race Course, Sydney. Tough to get at but worth it to ask guru Gary Pemberton a few questions. Failed to appoint John Johnson proxy in time. Sorry John.

Westfield Holdings, 10am, Sydney Hilton. Being a candidate for their board I’m going but need some proxies and maybe even need some protection. The Lowys don’t like me at all.

Smorgon Steel, 2.30pm, ANZ Pavillion, Victorian Arts Cente. Paula and Dad have shares but we need someone to go as proxy and ask about the plunging share price. This one really makes Paula frown as we paid $1.43 and they’re now about $1. Tilburn will be there carrying on like a dodgy pork chop.

Thakral Holdings, 10am, Menzies All Seasons Hotel, Sydney. Clashes with Westfield so keen for proxy to ask why these hoteliers had Phil Coles on the payroll.

Argo Investments, 11am, Adelaide Convention Centre. Will try for The Don on this one as he’s a former director.

Quantum Resources: 11.30am, Kimberley Gardens Hotel, East St Kilda. Bob Hawke is up for re-election so looking for someone to go and a proxy to ask why he’s failed to deliver on China and the stock has fallen from $7 to 7c.

Grand Hotel Group, 10am, Grand Hyatt, Collins St, Melbourne. A chronic underperformer so looking for a proxy and a questioner.

Triako Resources, 10.30am, Harbourview Hotel, Nth Sydney. Only interest is Geoff Lord’s directorship. He deserves to be skewered for being part of the mob that almost destroyed Foster’s.

Transurban, 10am, Grand Hyatt, Melbourne. Lesley Wright has provided a proxy so just need someone to go and ask how they made 400 per cent so easily out of Jeff Kennett when the Burnley tunnel is a year late.

Mirvac, 10am, AAP Theatrette, George St, Sydney. Ahh, property developers, they’re always interesting. Sold out two years back so looking for proxy and good questioner.

10 Nov, Fri:

Brambles, 2pm, Wesley Centre, 220 Pitt St, Sydney. Stephen Mayne keen to go but need a proxy to be able to ask why on earth they lost CEO John Fletcher.

Sons of Gwalia, 10am, Parmelia Hilton, Perth. Dull but worthy if any sandgropers are interested in helping us out by attending and with a proxy..

Montana Group, 2pm, Ellerslie Convention Centre, NZ. Need a Kiwi proxy and someone to go. Foster’s and Lion Nathan are both eyeing this wine outfit off.

McPherson’s, 11am, Le Meridien at Rialto, Melbourne. Stephen Mayne possibly to go but need proxy to ask about steak knives production. Trying to persuade Demtel man Tim Shaw to come down for it.

Horizon Energy, 3pm, Hotel Intercontinental, Sydney. Bought shares recently but will be in West Wyalong giving a speech so looking for an attender to ask about the billions lost buying Loy Yang A power station off Jeff for $4.8 billion. The recent blackouts cost them $20m alone.

13 Nov, Mon:

Pacific Hydro, 11am, St Michael’s Centre Collins St. Hailed as a great stock but really heavily subsidised by Vic taxpayer. Need someone to give them stick.

Boral, 10.30am, Wentworth Hotel, Sydney. Stephen Mayne going as proxy for Brent Hudson and Lesley Wright. Any others welcome.

One.tel, 10am, 9 Castlereagh St, Sydney. Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Am shareholder and will be there with bells on to keep the young tycoons on their toes.

FH Faulding, Adelaide. Yawn. Happy to take copy from a Crow Eater with nothing better to do. Have proxy from Lesley Wright if anyone is willing to turn up.

Stadium Australia, 10am, level 4, Gold Members Bar, Olympic Stadium, Homebush. This is a high priority given they’ve now got to find $65 million for reconfiguration. Sadly, it clashes with One.tel so will need proxy and someone to go.

14 Nov, Tues:

Mayne Nickless: 10am, Melbourne Concert Hall. Stephen Mayne attending as David Mayne’s proxy.

Henry Walker Eltin: 10am, Adelaide Hilton. Looking for proxy and inquirer.

Davnet, 11am, Sofitel Hotel, Melbourne. Plenty of press so they need plenty of questions. Any proxy offers out there?

Huntley Business Networks, 10am, The Masonic Centre, Castlereagh St, Sydney. Ian Huntley is a rich, old share tipper – a cardigan wearing Rene Rivkin. Would be good to hit him with a few curly ones.

Adacel Technologies, 11am, Le Meridien at Rialto, Collins St, Melbourne. Know nothing about them but there ain’t that many Melbourne tech stocks so let’s find a proxy and get down there after Mayne Nick.

Bourse Data, 11.30am, ASX, Collins Street, Melbourne. Might even buy into this one to ask Gil Hoskins and the fellow paper shufflers a few pointed questions.

Brian McGuigan Wines, 3.30pm, Masonic Centre, 279 Castlereagh St, Sydney. Dad has offered proxy so need someone to go along and tell Nick Greiner he’s on too many boards and should stop being so greedy.

Tony Barlow, 9am, level 15, 207 Murray St, Perth. Looking for someone wearing a bad suit to get along and check out what this long-time struggler is up to.

15 Nov, Wed:

National Foods, Sydney. Need proxy and quizzer to gauge scale of the milk crisis here.

Adsteam Marine, Adelaide. Yawn. Bored Croweater welcome to go.

Clough Ltd, 10am, Parmelia Hilton, Perth. Need proxy and someone to give crusty old Harold Clough a nice send off

Sausage Software, Melbourne. Stephen Mayne attending as Mr G’s proxy.

Pineapplehead.com, 5pm, Landy Room, MCG. Stephen Mayne to go as shareholder to check Stan Wallis and Geoff Thomlinson are not wearing suits.

Tooth & Co, 2pm, level 8, 70 Pitt St, Sydney. Need proxy and someone to ask this Adsteam relic when the mega-tax dispute will finally be settled now that the auditors legal struggle has been solved.

Phoneware, 3.30pm, ASX building, 530 Collins St, Melbourne. Chance to put Pratt son-in-law and investment guru Michael Napthali through his paces. Stephen Mayne to go as just bought in.

16 Nov, Thurs:

Qantas, 2pm, Westin Hotel, Sydney. Stephen Mayne going as Lesley Wright’s proxy. Will be shaking the trees about cash for comment as Jones and Laws are both still on the Qantas payroll.

Amalgamated Holdings, 10am Wentworth Hotel, Sydney. Stephen Mayne to attend as shareholder in one of the last dogs left in the portfolio. Thredbo remains a hot issue.

17 Nov, Fri:

Goodman Fielder, 10am, Wesley Centre, 220 Pitt St, Sydney. Stephen Mayne appointed as dad’s proxy but Seven will probably take priority. These boys are trying hard but doing no good.

Seven Network, 10.30am, ANA Hotel, Sydney. Stephen Mayne attending as Lesley Wright’s proxy to ask a couple of easy questions of little Kerry. Tim Watson also offered if someone else – perhaps a journalism student – wants to join in the fun.

Soul Pattinson, Sydney. Need proxy to quiz over cross-shareholder with Brickworks.

Qld TAB, 1.30pm, Albion Park Raceway, Brisbane. Any banana benders want this one?

Telstra, 1.30pm, Melbourne Exhibition Centre. Stephen Mayne attending as board candidate. Needs lots of votes and people to hand out leaflets out the front.

Australian Magnesium Corp, 10am, Brisbane Hilton. Looking for proxy and quizzer to ask about huge rise for directors and the big project coming on stream.

Sunraysia Television, 11am, level 5, 574 St Kilda Rd, Melbourne. Proxy wanted to ask Eva Presser, the owner of Channel Nine in Perth, how she’s made so much money?

Wilson Asset Management: 11am, 133 Macquarie St, Sydney. Give Matthew Kidman stick at this one.

Eh You Ltd, 3.30pm, Hotel Como. South Yarra, Melbourne. Clashes with Telstra but colorful dotcom start so need proxy and someone to go.

20 Nov, Mon

Woolworths, Sydney. Stephen Mayne attending as board candidate and proxy for his dad and Neville Wright..

21 Nov, Tues:

Ramsay Health Care, 2.30pm, Gloucester Room, Quay West, 99 Gloucester St, The Rocks, Sydney. Stephen Mayne to go as Andrew Black’s proxy.

Tempo Services, 4pm, Hotel Intercontinental. This should be fun as they have big Labor Party connections with former Premier Barry Unsworth on the board. The stock price has rocketed since they got the big contract to clean thousands of NSW schools. Have just bought so looking forward to getting amongst the NSW Right.

Just Jeans, 2.30pm, 658 Church Street, Richmond. It’s casual day at this one. Any takers?

Formida Holdings, 10am, Mercure Hotel, 194 Pacific Highway, Greenwich, Sydney. These blokes want to double their directors fees which means we want a proxy and someone to go.

Village Roadshow, Movie World. Who wants a free day in a theme park? Looking for proxy and someone to go.

22 Nov, Wed:

Coles Myer, Melbourne. 10am, Vodafone Arena, Melbourne. Paula Piccinini to make her AGM speaking debut as a shareholder provided she doesn’t have a brief that day.

King Island Company, 2.30pm, Port Melbourne Yacht Club, Chris Skase’s former big backer Tom Klinger is on this board so should be fun. Have just bought in so will be attending.

Beach Petroleum, 10.30am, Glenside, SA. A former 80s dodge stock so would love a proxy and quizzer for old time’s sake.

Internet Travel Group, 11am, Wentworth Hotel, Sydney. Non-execs are doubling their pay from $170,000 to $350,000, a controversial move in this dot-bomb environment.

Australian Innovation Ltd, 10.30am, Wentworth. Need to get someone there to put Peter Lucas through his paces and his son Geoffrey who’s up for 400,000 options. Think it’s the Bondy Peter Lucas.

NetComm, 11.30am, ANA Hotel, Sydney. Another dot-bomb stock worth asking some questions of.

CDS Technologies, 11am, 1140 Nepean Highway, Mornington. James Packer is up for re-election but probably won’t show up. This is water filtration baby of Bob Mansfield, Peter Ritchie, Andrew Kroger and even that Packer enemy Peter O’Connell. Could combine the trip with a visit to some vineyards as have just bought in.

Barton Capital, noon, level 41, Chifley Tower, Sydney.

23 Nov, Thurs:

Challenger International, 11am, Museum of Sydney, AGL Theatre, corner of Bridge and Phillip St. Stephen Mayne going after just buying in.

Beyond International, noon, 53 Brisbane St, Surry Hills, Sydney. Struggling production company and maybe a chance to meet some actors. Just bought so will be attending.

Telecasters Australia, 11am, Hotel Inter-Continental, Macquarie Street, Sydney. Stephen Mayne was to go as Brent Hudson’s proxy but looks difficult given Challenger clash.

Investorweb, Telstra Conf Centre, level 1, 242 Exhibition St. Paula sold out for a rare profit so need a proxy and quizzer to call on their funds management side to become more activist.

Delta Gold, 2.30pm, ASX HQ, Bridge St, Sydney. Stephen Mayne to go as Brent Hudson’s proxy to ask about huge African write-offs.

Sharon Austen Ltd, 2.15pm, Grace Hotel, 27 York St, Sydney. Stephen Mayne just bought in so keen to ask lots of probing questions about the sex industry.

Australian Rural Group, 4.30pm, RACA, 89 Macquarie St. Graham Reaney is up for re-election to this outfit so keen to go but need shareholder to nominate me as proxy.

New Hampton Gold, 10.30am, Le Meridien at Rialto. One of the last small miners left in Melbourne.

24 Nov, Fri

Adultshop, 11am, Parmelia Hilton, Perth

Premier Investments, 10am, Level 18 360 Elizabeth St, Melbourne. Keen to ask Lindsay Fox and the other Solly Lew mates some questions. Gary Weiss is up for re-election too. Anyone got shares?

My Money Group, 9am, level 5, 57 Albert Ave, Chatswood. Good chance to ask David Koch a few questions after his takeover of that other Seven-affiliate Channel e. Just bought in and will be going.

Auspine, 10am, Mt Gambier, Sth Australia. Any greenies or Crow eaters keen for a day trip to ask these tree-loppers what is going on with this big court battle against Email. Janine Perrett’s hubby Geoff Hill is a director so don’t expect to see Business Sunday there asking the tough questions.

E.Com Global, 10am, Australian Technology Park, Eveleigh. Such a grand name we should go along to make sure they’re living up to their promises.

27 Nov, Mon

Avatar Industries, 10am, Museum of Sydney, cnr Bridge & Philip Sts. A real flea-blown dog that we’re keen to visit if anyone has shares. Avatar is a big skeleton rattling in Trevor Eastwood’s closet.

Cranswick Premium Wines, 4pm, Westin Hotel, Melbourne. Boring meeting, good wine. Former Adsteam finance man Colin Henson is up for re-election so want to check him out.

Centaur Mining & Exploration, 10am, Parmelia Hilton, Mill St, Perth. Control has moved to Anaconda in Perth but Joe Gutnick is up for re-election. Stephen Mayne is sadly a shareholder, just need proxy to turn up and ask the obvious questions about destruction of shareholder value.

Club Crocodile, 3.30pm, River Queens, 1 Eagle St, Brisbane. Great shareholder discounts, pity about the share price.

Infosentials, Minter Ellison offices, Rialto Tower. Michael Shildberger’s group and one that I’m keen to go to, especially after controversial Webster Publishing acquisition. Have just bought in and will be going.

28 Nov, Tues

NRMA Insurance, 4pm, Convention and Exhibition Centre, Darling Harbour.Stephen Mayne attending as shareholder and candidate in the vague hope of surfing a wave of anti-Whitlam sentiment onto the board.

Haoma Mining, 11am, Roy Morgan Centre, Collins St, Melbourne. With both Gary Morgan and John Elliott on this board it is always fine. Even Felicity Kennett is a former shareholder. Might need a proxy to go and have some fun here.

Australian Topmakers, 11am, Hotel Intercontinental, Sydney. Good one for woolgrowers.

Harvey Norman, Sydney. Keen for proxy so Crikey can go and extend it beyond usual 3 minutes. Sadly we sold out at $3 and now they’re almost $4.

Terraplanet.com, 2pm, level 5, 16 Barrack St, Sydney. Media dotcom stock so we want to get there. Any shareholders out there?

National Forge, 2.30pm, ASX Theatrette, 530 Collins St, Melbourne. Boring but not small so let’s go.

Optecom, level 27, KPMG Centre, 45 Clarence St. Colorful dotcom. Any takers.

Joe White Maltings, noon, Dallas Brooks Hall, Melbourne. Gary Weiss should be there so keen to a proxy and someone to attend.

Cash Converters, 3pm, The West Oz Club, 104 St George’s Tce, Perth

Oakton Computing, 10am, ASX Melbourne, 530 Collins St. Jeepers, this sounds like a Melbourne IT company, better get there.

Wet Dreams Ltd, 10am, Holiday Inn, 778 Hay St, WA. Best-named stock so we’d like someone there to find out what they do.

Bisan Ltd, 3pm, level 20, 500 Collins St. Good name so let’s check it out.

29 Nov, Wed

Solution 6, 10am, Wentworth Hotel, Sydney. Picked the bottom with this having paid 90c so will be attending as a shareholder. Should be very colorful given the plunge from $18 and all the stuff about two bags Tyler.

NRMA Ltd (the mutual), 10am, Sydney Convention Centre. Meeting to change name back National Roads and Motorists Association and to reduce the board from 16 to 12. Here, here. Stephen Mayne attending as a policyholder.

Ariadne 10am, Heritage Hotel, Brisbane

Canbet, Canberra Racecourse, Lyneham, ACT. The directors want approval to issue 50m options. Big number in a colorful industry. Any public servants keen to go and ask some questions.

Strategic Pooled Development, 11am, level 23, 525 Collins, St, Melbourne. The investment vehicle of Graham Samuel and Andrew Kroger so keen to get amongst it.

Scanbox Asia Pacific, 10am, level 3, 72 Pitt St, Sydney. Interesting name, anyone want to go?

Newtel, 3pm, 22 Hasler Rd, Hersman, Perth. Colorful new telco. Want proxy and attender.

SME Growth, 10am, level 5, 14 Martin Place, Sydney. Maybe should be renamed SME Shrink fund given performance. Anyone shareholders interested in going?

IBA Technologies, 10.30am, ANA Hotel, Sydney. Chairman Gary Cohen wants 4.5 million options at $1.30 and we want someone to ask him why?

Yates Ltd, 11am, Four Points Sheraton, Darling Harbour. Stan Howard, John’s brother, is for re-election in this stock that Felicity Kennett made about $8000 on in the 1993 float. Keen to go.

Geo2, 11am, ASX Melbourne, 530 Collins St.

World.Net Services, 11am, Avillion Hotel, 389 Pitt St, Sydney. With such a grand name it should be great AGM. Any takers?

Takoradi, 10.30am, Wentworth Hotel, Sydney. Old Skase mate Ted Harris is up for re-election here so may as well pop along and find out what they do.

Redflex Holdings, 2.30pm, ASX Melb, 530 Collins St. Good old Mal Fraser is up for re-election so better ask him a couple of questions. They want to up directors fees from 45k to 200k which seems rather excessive. Any shareholders willing to give us a proxy?

Amskam, 3.30pm, HRL, 577 Springvale Rd, Mulgrave. This is the stock that Kennett got set in on the hope of Transurban taking on its tolling technology. Went under but is now listed again and Chris Thomas is up for re-election. Keen to go if can find shareholder who’ll appoint us a proxy.

30 Nov, Thurs

M2M Corp, 3.30pm, level 23, Rialto South Tower, Melbourne. Nothing else on so will turn up if can get a proxy. Anyone know what they do?

Realestate.com.au, 9am, Grace Hotel, 77 York St, Sydney.

Sino Securities, 4pm, level 3, 43 Queen St, Melbourne. These are the guys who fixed Jeff and Felicity up with 50,000 Quangdong shares. Colorful poker machine shuffler Bruce Mathieson is chairman and we’ll be there as a shareholder to ask him a few pertinent questions for old times sake.

Market Facts, 10am, Museum of Sydney. One of the biggest dogs on the market. Worth putting some pressure on.

Telco Australia, 10am, 320 Adelaide St, Brisbane. Grand name, bad share price. Any nibbles for this one?

Recruitment Solutions, 3pm, Grace Hotel, Sydney. A growth industry so worth a look.

Molopo Australia, 10am, level 14, 31 Queen St, Melbourne. A favourite dog stock of Herald Sun business editor John Beveridge so should pop along to find out more about it.

1 Dec, Fri

Westpac, Sydney. Stephen Mayne going but needs proxy.

5 Dec, Tues

George Weston Foods, 11am, NSW State Library. Keen to go as proxy.

11 Dec, Mon:

David Jones: 10am, Wesley Centre. Stephen Mayne attending as shareholder and board candidate chasing same 35 per cent shopping discount that directors get. The new wife is really pushing hard on this one.

17 Dec, Tues

National Australia Bank, Melbourne. Attending as proxy and standing for board on activist funds management ticket. Will need lots of support if have survived this far. Sorry Paula, will get a real job soon.

Give us a hand

Enough jesting, we have a major logistical job in front of us so please get in touch if you want to attend any meetings as our proxy or appoint us your proxy for meetings. We’ll be updating this as we go so keep any eye out for what we still need and let us know any meetings we’ve missed.

Don’t forget that anyone who provides us with a proxy that gets us into a meeting gets a free 12-month subscription and anyone who turns up at a meeting and asks questions for us gets two free subs.

It’s almost as good as winning the lottery so let’s crank it up and send in those emails to smayne@crikey.com.au. Also, if you want to appoint me as your proxy somewhere, the best address is:

PO Box 2095 Templestowe Heights 3107

Cheers, SM