Hillary Bray = great columnist. Nuff said.

She belongs in the Democrats

Poor old Meggles told the meeja on Friday that she wasn’t going to be the “fallperson” for anyone. Fallperson. Anyone who can come up with a word like that is still a Democrat at heart – no matter what happens.

Fading blonde

Hillary read a fascinating article last week on the collapsing career of a young blonde superstar. True, it was about Britney Spears – but the parallels are striking.

Since our very own Britney became leader of the Dems, she has lost three national presidents, three campaign directors and – effectively – three Senators. There are now more Greens in Parliaments around Australia than Democrats – 14 to 12.

In the wake of the Tasmanian election, one of those CIA sleepers in the Democrats called Hillary on his shoe-phone with some fascinating facts. The savvy Democrats national executive – those people who did so much to keep Mystic Meg in the party – decided to spend $35,000 on the campaign. They won a grand total of 1,809 votes -a cost of $19.35 each.

A chicken in every pot would have only come in at about five bucks a throw.

Question time

Hillary was up early Sunday to watch the Sphere of Influence chat with Britney.

We got this beauty of a response to one question – “I’m not aware of any disciplinary action as such that was actually going to occur against Senator Lees” – and then this exchange occurred:

SPHERE: Are you going to go and ring Andrew Murray and say don’t leave?

BRITNEY: I’ve said … I’ve made messages publicly and I’ve said on your program not to leave. If he wants to call me back, that would be good. But I think he’s having a busy time of thinking and he’s reflecting and I hope his decision is one that benefits the party because all … at the end of the day, personality is not important here, Laurie, the party should come first.

True, the Sphere was going for the wrap – but surely there was a question that had to be asked there. Had she actually tried to call Murray?

Smart move

When Andrew Murray finally emerged with his statement, he turned up the heat on Britney yet another notch. He effectively challenged the Democrats to expel him – with all the trouble that will bring.

Peace in the Democrats is still a long way away.

Buttocks in hot water

You wouldn’t read about it – the pool temperature at Bob “Buttocks” Cheek’s gym finally improved early last week.

Clients are keeping a close eye on the reception. They expect to see Buttocks there any time now. After all, with the election out of the way, he needs a new job.

Compare and contrast

With Tassie out of they way, Victoria is likely to be the next state to go to an election – and some interesting posturing is going on.

Dynamic Dennis Napthine is off enjoying Europe – but, if you saw the Geelong-Crows game there was a shot of Saint Steve, out in the general seating wearing a rain poncho and tucking into his Four ‘n’ Twenty on a wet afternoon.

Become a subscriber, Alan

Alan Ramsey, the Lounge Bar Bore of the Gallery, was at it again on the weekend. Britney and her woes weren’t the main concern of the week. Vanishing Liberals were. The last time a State or Territory Liberal Government had hung onto office was February 21, 1998, he thundered – and their representation had been dropping ever since.

If only he subscribed to Crikey. We’d covered that very subject that week. Hillary and her helpers are always fascinated at the huge drop in the number of Liberal Parliamentarians ever since a certain short man took over. Indeed, when you look at the figures, the conservative parties have only made gains in that time in the Federal Parliament and the ACT’s Lego parliament.

In January 1995, of course, Paul Keating reigned – and there were 78 Libs and 23 Nats in the Federal Parliament. Now, their numbers are 99/18.

In New South Wales, John Fahey’s Coalition government had 68 members in the Assembly and 20 in the Legislative Council. It’s 33/14 today.

Victoria basked in the glory that was Jeff, safe with a massive 61 Coalition Assembly seats and 30 spots in the Upper House. Today, while there are still 30 Coalition Councillors, numbers in the Lower House have fallen to 41.

Wayne Goss still enjoyed his strong majority from the 1992 election in Queensland – 54 seats to 26 for the Nats and only nine to the Libs. Now, the Nats have a mere 12 and the Libs a pitiful three.

In the West, the Court Coalition Government had 32 members in the Assembly and 17 in the Council – now reduced to 21/13.

The Brown Government in South Australia had a whacking three-to-one superiority in the Lower House, with 36 members to Labor’s 12 and another 11 seats in the Council. Now, the Libs hold 20 seats in the Assembly and nine in the Upper House.

The Libs were in power in Tassie, holding 19 of the positions in the Assembly. They have now been reduced to six.

Up in the Top End, CLP hegemony was well entrenched with 17 seats out of 25. Now, they hold just 10.

Finally, the ACT Libs, just one month away from taking power from Labor Chief Minister Rosemary Follett, held six Assembly seats. They now have seven.

So, the results go like this: Since John Rodent Howard become Opposition Leader, the number of Coalition Members in the federal parliament has risen by 16. There has also been a gain of one in the ACT – and otherwise it’s all downhill.

In New South Wales, Coalition numbers have dropped by 41. There have been losses of 20 MPs in Victoria, 14 for the Nats and six for the Libs in Queensland, 15 in the West, 18 in South Australia (we leave out the sole Nat there as she sits on the crossbenches), 13 in Tasmania and seven in the Northern Territory.

And the grand total? One hundred and thirty four losses and a mere 17 gains. Since John Howard became leader, the Coalition parties have lost 100 more seats than they have won. They are in power federally, but their five State and Territory governments are all gone.

Chin up, Simey.

Truly independent

West Gippsland independent MP Susan Davies is a former Labor candidate – and now it looks as if her Mildura colleague Russell Savage might be a member of the DLP. His staffer Rick Browne is certainly close to Santa’s helpers.

Browne’s e-mail and phone details appear on an invitation for a dinner with the loathsome Bruce Ruxton as he continues his Melba-style farewell hosted by the Council for the National Interest, one of the National Civic Council’s many front organisations. What other links do Savage’s friends and supporters have?

New South Wales preselections hotting up

The gloves are off in New South Wales with four preselections in Liberal seats to be held over the next few weeks.

There will also be a pre-selection taking place in Willoughby due to a casual vacancy caused by the retirement of the former local member, the Hon Peter Collins MP QC, now a resident of Potts Point.

The strongest challenges definitely appear to be taking place in Davidson and Hawkesbury with complaints already of dirty tricks and threats of legal action.

In Davidson, incumbent member Andrew Humpherson, a key Brogden /Hartcher supporter is under challenge from former Assistant Treasurer and tax diddler Philip “The One Man Faction” Smiles and former Lane Cove Mayor Steven Bowers, strongly supporter by the Right and Chika and her family. Another candidate causing a stir is solicitor Mark Darras, a former member of the Labor Party.

Factional forces make this a race between Humpherson and Bowers – and the word on the street is that the combined forces of the Group and Chris Hartcher’s Central Coast faction will stop at nothing to ensure that Humpherson is victorious at the end of the day.

In Hawkesbury the gap appears to have narrowed between the challenges. Until a few weeks ago Hornsby Mayor Steven Pringle, a Beecroft resident who has recently moved to Dural to establish local credentials, appeared to be several lengths in front of all comers – including veteran MP Kevin Rozzoli. This position was based on cross factional support that is now turning shaky.

Pringle put considerable effort into talking up his moderate credentials with the Group, but they have become concerned at the strong support David Clark, the leader of the right, has shown for his candidacy.

Well-known litigant and right-wing numbers man, Rick Forbes, a close confidant of Clark’s, has been telling his right wing colleagues that he has broken the moderates stranglehold over Pringle. Who is telling the truth? Why the deception? What does Pringle owe Clark for support in the pre-selection?

Forbes has also been threatening legal action against anyone who questions Pringle about the truth or otherwise of certain matters being raised in relation to his reign over Hornsby Council – including the failed $6m bio-remediation program, allegations of bribery, conflicts of interest and a police investigation over an incident that took place in the Hornsby Council Chambers some 10 years ago. While some branch members merely want an answer, Forbes is preventing the matters even being raised.

Forbes talk about his control over a number of branches in north-western Sydney, including the Cadaver’s Berowra federal electorate conference, has also caused a great deal of concern. Pringle hardly needs any enemies with friends like Forbes.

Predictions of a Melbourne Cup field in The Hills have dissipated significantly with only two challenges stepping forward – former Baulkham Hills Council Cliff Hoare and Hornsby Council Nick Berman, the former celebrated Kacky Jelly staffer of no fixed abode turned big swinging dick of the Sydney PR scene.

While Richardson is taking the challenge seriously, local Libs that he should be returned easily. The strongest challenge to him appears to be coming from Hoare, who has lived in the Hills District for a number of years and who has been Richardson’s campaign manager on two occasions.

With nominations not closing in Willoughby for another week, contenders are keeping their cards close to their chest. Local Mayor Pat Reilly, a member of the Bartels/Chikarovski faction, is looking good so a number of strong candidates -former Young Liberal president Gladys Berejiklian, Greiner/ Fahey Minister Robert Webster and the ACM’s “No” campaign director David Elliott, yet another monarchist who says you can’t trust pollies but wants to be one – are considering their positions. Despite this, insiders say it may be a little early yet for Reilly to be hanging up the mayoral chains.

Cogitate, don’t litigate preselection special

What does the opening line of a story from the short lived Australian edition of lads mag GQ “I guess the moral of the story is never accept a dangerous job while very high on cocaine” have to do with a New South Wales Liberal preselection that’s already generated mucho meeja?

All smiles

Yours truly called New South Wales preselection candidate Phillip Smiles a “tax diddler” last week. Now, it’s time to look sheepish and say Smiles was exonerated in 1996. Sorry.

Guess who reads Crikey?

This little item appeared in Wednesday’s Sealed Section:

“WA state Liberal Leader Colin “Boonce” Barnett may have been taking the angry pills in the lead up to last weekend’s annual general meeting – and his website (click here) is full of fulminating at the Gallop Labor Government.

“There’s just one omission. Click on the ‘policy’ button – and nothing appears.”

Well, whadya know! By the following day if you went to Boonce’s website you saw the ‘policy’ option had been replaces with a button labelled ‘position statement’ and could click through to five thrilling documents covering matters ranging from IR to the evil weed.

‘Bout time

Staying in the West, the local Liberal Party director Peter Wells is retiring soon. After, as this e-mail shows, it’s a bad sign when you can’t get the Treasurer’s name right:

“Together with the chairman of Policy Peter Durrant we will attend the ADVISORY COMMITTEE ON FEDERAL POLICY in Sydney next Monday 29th July 2002

“In addition to the Prime Minister The Hon John Howard there will be the Federal Treasurer The Hon Peter Costella and the Federal Minister for Ageing The Hon Kevin Andrews.”

Karl and Coz

Treasurer Peter Costello is getting out on the road – and Liberal Senator Ian Macdonald is getting ready to welcome him to Western Australia. His latest newsletter has a front page piece promoting the visit headed “Go West, Young Man”. It’s a rather curious choice of words.

The phrase was popularised by the great champion of socialists, Horace Greeley, a powerful American newspaperman during the American Civil War. Indeed, Greeley has the distinction of being the only person who ever employed Karl Marx on a wage – before giving him the boot when they fell out over just how the revolution should take place.

Position in life

Hillary was delighted to see Chika on Beauty and the Beast again on Friday. It’s so nice to see that she’s found her niche in life at last.

Wild and crazy council dudes

The jury is still out on young frog fancier and Darebin Councillor Melissa Salata – but fascinating news reaches Hillary about her opponent, Gaetano Greco. He used to work as the assistant to an Elvis impersonator. Presumably he sees local government as a step up in the world.

Nostalgia

How appropriate. Noel Gallagher rehashes the riffs of the Beatles and the Stones and the bruvvers in the Australian Services Union re-enact Cranky Frankie Sinatra’s Oz tour from the seventies – by threatening to ban Oasis if they visit Australia again, after the contretemps on the plane the last time.

Hillary revealed

Finally, the truth is out about Hillary – and a rival website even has a photo up. All is revealed at this website.

Hillary Bray can be contacted at hillarybray@crikey.com.au