Where would we be without Popb*tch? “The King’s life is drawing peacefully to its close,” said a bulletin issued by King George V’s doctor, Lord Dawson, in 1936 – just before he knocked the monarch off in time for the morning editions with a lethal overdose of morphine and cocaine.

The latest edition of the online scandal sheet is virtually entirely devoted to the poorly Polish pontiff – who seems surrounded by Godfather III types ready to pull the plug at any moment.

Perhaps they’re waiting for a successor to emerge. Cometh the hour, cometh the man and all that.

Popb*tch likes lists almost as much as Crikey – and they’re getting very democratic, too, with a list of nominees to fill the Shoes of the Fisherman. Here it is – but can Crikey readers add any local contenders?

“It’s time for us all to nominate the next head of the Catholic Church. Here are some suggestions.

  1. Bono – He clearly believes he has a hot-line to God. Let’s just hope those Andrea Corr stories aren’t true.
  2. Madonna – It would be good to see her rocking a crucifix again. She’s also shown her charitable side by marrying Guy Ritchie.
  3. Joe Dolce – It’s the 25th anniversary of “Shaddup You Face”, and devout Catholic Joe is still going strong. https://www.joedolce.net/
  4. David Beckham – His body art suggests a religious bent, but the continuing rumours surrounding his private life might put off those who believe in chastity.
  5. Geri Halliwell – Geri was brought up as a Catholic. Her Kensington house has a picture of the Virgin Mary in the lounge and reproduction of the Last Supper in the dining room https://mylordisjesus.tripod.com/LiftMeUp/

“Made your decision? Now email the Vatican’s Cardinal-Secretary of State with your nomination: vatio26@relstat-segstat.va“