Memo to all newspapers from Vizard Saxton Media Publicity ASIC PR Consultancy:

To be run with archive picture of Steve smiling. (Caption ‘TV funnyman, art lover, philanthropist and businessman’).

Story reads

‘Mr Vizard said today, in light of the current difficulty with ASIC.

He made the following excellent points:

1. I agree with the charges. I did it. I remember it well. I am guilty.
2. I lost money (trust me) on the shares I purchased illegally.
3. I spoke to Bracksie (run grab of Bracksie confirming this essential truth) and resigned from two things.
4. My character witness is Ron Walker.
5. I am oversesas for a month spending your money.
6. I am a businessman, I have children and I am helping the downtrodden Donald Wood.

7. All I did was break the law. It’s not a crime.

8. More publicity to follow’.