The
best Parliament House attendants are the old style NCO (Non
Commissioned Officer) types. Do your 20 years in the army, get your
pension, then slide in to a rather cushy job in the House on the Hill.

In
the last few years some gormless kids have appeared – the sort who get
jobs as trolley collectors at Westfield. But the NCOs live on, and we
all know what old NCO types are like. They’re not exactly respectful of
authority. They just consider it one of the inevitabilities of life.
Like death or taxes.

Not that they haven’t given good service.
They have, and they’ve also provided a fair bit of entertainment over
the years, often treating parliamentarians with side-splitting mock
obsequiousness. As for staffers, well they’ve tended to be treated as
green graduates fresh from Duntroon who don’t yet know the ropes –
given a crisp “Yes, sir” and ignored.

It’s always been a matter
of learning to accommodate the attendants. Do that and they’re
fantastic – and fun. Old NCO types tend to know how to get the job
done, even if the way they do it mightn’t strictly follow the Queen’s
Regulations.

All of which makes yesterday’s much ballyhooed ban
on the expression “mate” so spectacularly absurd – even by public
service standards. As everyone has pointed out, the Prime Minister
calls George W Bush “mate” and he wanted a preamble to the Constitution
that would have put “Mateship” in the same sort of pantheon that
“Liberté!” “Égalité!” and “Fraternié!” occupy in France.

The ban, of course, is being rescinded.
And the parliamentary attendants – well, the old NCO types – are
reacting as they always do. “Everybody always laughs at us,” one said
with mock solemnity as I entered Parliament House this morning.
“Everybody always laughs at us, darl.” Indeed, “Darl” or “Love” seemed
to be their preferred mode of address this morning.

In the
corridors, huddles of staff of all colours – parliamentary,
departmental or whatever – have been laughing at the ban and rejoicing
in the coverage it’s got. The paranoiac security measures of the past
few years have diminished the spirit of camaraderie that exists in
Parliament House. On a sitting day, remember, it is a community of some
3,000 people shut off from the rest of the world that works from about
seven in the morning till 11 at night.

Metal detectors, X-rays
and barriers have destroyed much of the egalitarianism you found in the
corridors. But thanks to the stupidity of the stuffed shirts, some of
that camaraderie has returned – at least for today. This morning, it’s
been mate this and mate that – everywhere.

And a special
mention to some of the smartest people in this place – the staff of
Parliamentary Library. This morning they’ve been debating if they
should call their clients “Mon ami.”