Wild Rumour Department I: Mark Vaile lives in terror of a challenge from former Nat and NSW MP Rob Oakeshott. So much so that he’s prepared to abandon his seat of Lyne, abandon the Nationals, join the Libs, chase preselection for a safe Liberal seat and attempt to replace the Prime Minister.

Wild Rumour Department II: “I’m trying to be a serious leader that’s trying to change Queensland,” Peter Beattie said in The Australian on the weekend. “I don’t want Queensland to be the redneck capital of Australia, I want Queensland to be the Smart State.” Yeah, but in what role? There’s scuttlebutt in the Sunshine State that he’s seriously looking for a role in the private sector.

Wild Rumour Department III: Is the Government getting ready to sell another big ticket item, the Australian Submarine Corporation. Its future is looking better in the wake of the air warfare destroyers contract. A sale could have interesting flow-ons. The ASC is Adelaide-based and an election is due in South Australia in March. Steve Bracks would be interested as well. Tenix, the logical buyer, sits on millions of dollars of prime foreshore real estate in Williamstown – staff are twiddling their thumbs.

Whiff of grapeshot: The Prime Minister and Opposition Leader both love military commemoration. In the last week we’ve seen VP day and the Battle of Long Tan marked. So here’s the next date for their diaries: 17 October 1996, departure of Australian peacekeepers from Cyprus.

Multiskilling: “It was the fifth movement of Handel’s Laudate pueri Dominum when the soprano collapsed on stage with an almighty crash. She was lying on the podium, ‘rigid as a ramrod’ with her head and legs hanging over the edge, says a fellow soprano, Josie Ryan. A doctor jumped on stage and took charge, one witness said. The doctor was none other than the NSW Governor, Professor Marie Bashir, a psychiatrist…” Drama in The Sydney Morning Herald – and how versatile NSW’s leaders seem to be. Bob Carr, literary critic. John Fahey, royal security man. What else can our governors and premiers do? Suggestions, please, to christian@crikey.com.au

Very passive resistance?: “Every National Party Senator has voted to sell part or all of Telstra a total of 5 separate times since 1996,” Democrat Senator Andrew Bartlett points out on his blog. An interesting look at the process and politics of privatisation that Barnaby Joyce might find useful.

There goes the neighbourhood: An interesting appearance by the Prime Minister in the Parrot Cage this morning. Apart from the usual “we’re a lucky country to have you as Prime Minister” and a bit of bum sucking over the Woodrow Wilson Award, two points stuck out. Gloria pushed the PM about why the Liberal Party isn’t running candidates in the Marrickville and Maroubra by-elections given the results in Queensland. When the PM tried to avoid the question, the Parrot went all-out to whack John Brogden and the state Liberals. Then Gloria had a go about the “Muslim summit,” with lots of quotes from talkback callers who just don’t want these people in the country. “And all this just streets away from where you went to High School, Prime Minister.” Will the Parrot still be such a favoured pet after tossing such extraordinary questions to the Prime Minister?

Fuelling anger: There’s fury over the levels of compensation offered to former F-111 fuel tank workers poisoned by chemicals. Just what did Defence – and the RAAF in particular – recommend to the Minister and what does it mean for the handling of other sensitive defence issues? CDF Angus Houston is a flyboy, after all.