Crikey political correspondent Christian Kerr has stumbled across this story from a schoolyard – it’s called King of the Playground:

Last
year I was allowed to be King of the Playground and all the other boys
and girls let me do whatever I wanted and I ran and yelled and threw
things in the air and they even caught some of them that looked like
rolling away out of control and they let me play in their part of the
sandpit and didn’t say anything nasty to me and they let me choose my
bestest friends and my second bestest friends and, and, and…

Then
in October we lost the big game against the boys and girls from the
other school, but I KNOW it was not my fault – it was all those others
who were really only pretending and are really sly and sneaky and nasty
even though they still said I could be King of the Playground they
wanted me to listen to them when I made up the new rules and reckoned
some of the loss was my fault, but I know it was ALL theirs and, and,
and…

I got a bit sick on my Chrissie holidays and I got a bit
confused too and I missed some news about some flood and didn’t say
sorry or anything and all those pretend friends said I should have, but
I was on holidays and I shouldn’t have to stop playing MY game on
holidays just because they want me to play theirs and anyway I’ll bet
they were being mean even though I wouldn’t talk to them, I KNOW they
were just going to pick on me again and, and, and…

I got back
from holidays and just knew that they were all still trying to change
the game and play with my toys and make me use their rules and blaming
me for all the bad news that was being spread about our part of the
playground so I just thought well I’ll teach you, I’ll show you that
you can’t do without the bestest King of the Playground you’ll ever
have, so I took my bats and ball and told them all to go and play with
themselves and I went home to Mummy, and, and, and…

Funny
though, they seem to have found a new King of the Playground and he
seems to be doing OK in the new game against the other school and all
those cheating lying horrible boys and girls who used to say I was the
best King ever are saying that this new boy is the best King now and I
don’t care because I now have my own playground with my imaginary
friends and they always agree with my rules and play the games I want
to play, and, and, and…

So I am finishing writing up my diary
now even though I know you are supposed to write things as you go
along, but I can remember all the teasing words they said to me and all
the tricks they played on me and even if I don’t really remember I can
make them up because I am smart and I have written books with big words
– bigger words than they can use, and, and, and…

I am really
going to get mad now because all the other boys and girls say I have to
stay outside the playground fence and that they are too busy playing
the new game to read my diary or listen to me and they say that I just
make things up just like I used to and I know I have, but it is a good
story anyway and my new bestest friends in the media want me to say
those things even if they aren’t all true because they too are made to
stand outside the playground fence and they like throwing stuff at the
kids in the game on both sides and, and, and…