The one time respected Media Watch continues its slide much to our despair. This week they hit new lows.

An Incredible Lunch News just to hand tells of an unbelievable lunch during the week attended by advertising man John Singleton, Labor Party fixer Graham Richardson and Daily Telegraph heavyweights Col Allan and Piers Akerman. We are only telling the full story in our sealed section for subscribers, but it is an incredible tale. Singo set up the lunch to try and persuade Akerman to get off Richardson’s back. But the lunch was so bad that the reverse happened and Akerman stuck the boots into Richo more than ever in his Wednesday column. It is fair to say that John Singleton seems to have lost the plot a bit because Col and Piers were genuinely shocked by what happened at lunch.

Age Sticks It To Neil Mitchell

Melbourne is a small media town where heavyweights don’t normally get stuck into each other. But the rules changed last week when The Age’s opinion editor Paul Austin wrote a scathing piece on his own pages ripping 3AW’s Neil Mitchell apart for failing to ask Jeff Kennett the tough questions about that missing portrait of Sir Henry Bolte. We thought Crikey was the only critic of that sycophant Mitchell, but it’s good to see The Age getting in on the act because it was one of the most pathetically soft interviews we’ve ever heard.

International Ladies Day

The Age celebrated International Womens’ Day on Wednesday with an all-girl editorial team – and a world-class display of prudishness.

It seems the Spencer Street ladies are all for women’s rights, but draw the line at frank discussion of politics. How else to explain their decision to censor a penetrating piece by Fairfax Washington correspondent Gay Alcorn examining the macho milieu of presidential politics?

Of course, Age editor-for-a-day Pam Bone will tell us the Age cut the last three pars of Alcorn’s story for space reasons – not because it countained a couple of “f—”s. Still, it didn’t bother the Herald, which ran the story in full.

Alcorn’s piece, a Page One spill, stripped away the false bravado and testosterone-driven motivations of the presidential candidates. McCain, pushing himself to live up to the achievements of his four-star admiral father and grandfather, and Bush, introduced to a New Hampshire rally by daddy as “our boy”, are revealed as men trying to prove themselves to their fathers as much as contesting political office.

Al Gore, meanwhile, is charging up mountains to prove his leadership, and seeking to become an “Alpha male”. “McCain, Bush and Gore, each in their own way, are playing out notions of surpassing their fathers’ achievements and the male thing, living up to expectations,” writes Alcorn.

Which is where the story ends – if you read The Age. The Herald retained the punchline to Alcorn’s piece, and we can reveal it for our Victorian readers today:

“The male thing has created some startling moments. Gore is chisel-featured and “buff”, as Americans put it, and his blue jeans were so tight at one camapaign event that the audience gasped when he walked in.

And one of the best stories about Bush describes when he took office as Govenor in 1995 and the Lieutenant Govenor Bob Bullock, a tough Democrat told him he disagreed with a Bush proposal. “I’m sorry, but I’m sorry I’m going to f— you on this one,” said Bullock.

Bush stood up, took Bullock by the shoulders and kissed him. “If you’re going to f— me, you’re going to have to kiss me first,” he said.

Now that’s a real man.”

Good onya Gay. Keep telling those blue jokes – at least the Herald will run them.

International Kingston Day

The Herald chose not to make a big production number out of the UN womens’ day – editor Paul McGeogh didn’t follow Age editor Michael Gawenda’s lead and surrender the comfy seat for the day to a team of women. But the Herald had some of the day’s best copy.

In fact, women’s day was a triumph for Fairfax’s Kingston Sisters – quirky Canberra correspondent Margo Kingston and her younger sister Gay Alcorn. Both had super front page pieces; Margo’s story analysed the Federal National Party’s sudden “discovery” that the Government’s new porn legislation allowed adults to view, well, err – porn.

Cop this for an intro: “At 9.15 yesterday morning the Deputy Prime Minister, John Anderson, surrounded by his National Party MPs, sat in his office watching a video called Black She Men. The question on his mind: is this porn, or erotica? Porn it was, they decided, and all agreed that they were shocked.”

And so on, exposing the Nats’ bald hypocrisy in opposing legislation they had earlier rubber stamped in a latter-day in a bid to win the wowser vote.

Tabloid Treatment

Elsewhere, tabloids like the Hun and the Hobart Mercury put together a couple of formulaic pieces to mark women’s day, and the Oz ran a couple of dreary features from WEL and the ubiquitous IT feminist, Dale Spender.

Over in Adelaide, the Advertiser ran the results of their own survey of celebrity Adelaidians, who were asked to nominate “South Australia’s best female leaders.” Tragically for Adelaide’s power Senator, Natasha Spot Destroyer, she didn’t top the poll. That honour went to Lord Mayor Jane Lomax-Smith. Crows captain Mark Bickley put it all in perspective, naming his wife Tanya and two daughters as the three power women of Adelaide. Although Natasha was next on his list.

At the Hun, gossip columnist Bob Hart celebrated this important day by running some “dazzling” Sports Illustrated swimsuit shots of model Kristy Hinze straddling a phallic sand sculpture.

“The other feature of this edition is the inclusion of 3D glasses which, when applied to some of the swimsuit snaps, act as a sort of Wonderbra for the eyes. Super,” says Bob. “I had no idea that sport could be this fun, did you?” Made the paper’s bland interview with a few youngish women achievers look glowing in comparison.

The Tele did its bit for gender relations with a story headlined: WOULD YOU TRUST A MAN ON THE PILL? THE VERDICT FROM WOMEN Anna Patty and Natalie Williams fired up with scintillating copy like this: “So big boy, have you taken your pill tonight? This may soon be the bedroom catch cry of women, with development of the male contraception pill just around the corner.” And so on. The Tele interviewed assorted celebs, and got a mixed reaction. But the only celeb with any cred in this field is Crikey’s favourite Neighbours star, Krista Vendy (she plays that funky teacher, Tess Bell), who came down hard on the issue: “Men aren’t known for their reliability on day-to-day issues,” she told the Tele. So there!

Meantime, the Tele’s Sydney Confidential team (the glorious Jo Casamento & some guy called Peter Holder) had a go at the Age (or that provincial Melbourne broadsheet, as they call it). They received an Age staff list for the womens’ edition that included assistant night editor Steve Kelly and Page One editor Peter Krien. “Doesn’t the Age trust a woman with its front page?” asked Ms Casamento – who we would trust with our lives, or even the Crikey Monaro.

Age Wins The Feminist Flag

But for sheer volume, The Age was the big women’s day. In a front page leader, Editor Bone explained the special edition. “The United Nations called on the world’s media to hand over control to women for this day…and we decided to accept the challenge.”

The answer to this challenge included a page three piece in which a bunch of pollies were interviewed about their media image. We discovered that Theo Theophanous wears non-reflective glasses, Denis Napthine had a “shaggy hairstyle” and reacted by getting “a snazzy new cut”. And backbencher Gary Rowe once had blonde tips. Misha Ketchell’s story premise: “It may be Cheryl Kernot’s red hair that grabs the headlines but, by all reports, the boys are equally at ease with the dye bottle.” Thanks Misha. Back to the kitchen with you.

The list of 22 women who had edited the paper that day included some real achievers, and underlined the inequity that not a single woman has held the top job in The Age’s 146 mostly worthy but sometimes dull years.

The Bob Hart Trophy for best job for the day goes to Kathy Kizilos, who took over as obituaries editor, turning the page from a paean to dead white males into a lively insight on women who would otherwise have been ignored. Best obit was on the late Canadian champion of that obscure ice sport, curling. Her fans called her “Schmirler the curler”. Lovely stuff. Needless to say, the Age was back to the blokes the next day, with dead white males monopolising the obit page.

The paper’s education liftout also focused on women’s issues. Best yarn from Lisa Kearns, who bravely revealed the boys in her class at a Catholic High school thought she had “hairy legs and eyebrows that were like seaweed.” Judging by her latest pic byline, the eyebrow issue has been well and truly ironed out.

Slick Dermie The Tipster

We always suspected ex-Hawk, ex-Swan, ex-Magpie Dermott Brereton was a dirty cheat. Surely there’s no lower act in Melbourne than fudging your footy tips, and Dermire stands accused of this evil act just a few days into the 2000 season.

Posing as an expert commentator in the Age, and a celebrity footy tipster for Tabcorp in the Hun, Dermie had his tips published in both papers two days apart. On Wednesday, before the season opener between Melbourne and Richmond, he advised Tabcorp punters to tip the mighty Demons in the pick 8 competition. That night, punters were cursing Dermie as the Demons went down by two points.

But by Friday, when the Age ran its tipsters poll, Dermie had a change of heart. He was now tipping the Tigers by five points – an uncannily accurate prediction. Clearly his fellow tipsters had not been given the chance to change their tips; 13 of the paper’s 17 wise monkeys tipped Melbourne in a match that finished 36 hours previously.

So what gives, Dermie? Say you’re not cheat. Say it ain’t so.