I’m standing here in a parallel Australia in a parallel universe where the finance minister is one Mr Peter Custello. He was christened after a well-known typing error. The name suits him. Custello cusses constantly ‘cos his political ambitions were dashed by his own laziness and self-indulgence. He put preening ahead of proofreading and seems doomed never to become prime minister.

Meanwhile, in other news from this parallel Australia, ambitious backbencher Mr Malcolm Bullrun has just got all the answers right in the National Political Spelling Bee. The local commentators are now tipping…