The wheels of
Michael Jeffery’s Rolls Royce are more secure than the monarchists’, which
are decidedly wobbly this week.

The invisible viceroy uses a Roller to transport
him on his ribbon cutting and fete opening jobs – which costs the hapless
taxpayer heaps: $4,000 for new tyres, $21,000 to refurbish it and all that on top
of the $5,000 spent on it each year. As though that isn’t enough, Parliament
has been told what Crikey reported last year – that the Constitutional
Education Fund is nothing more than a tax rort for Australians for a
Constitutional Monarchy, whose patron is of course the viceroy himself.

The
Australian head of state and her husband will be here for the Commonwealth Games
– the cost of their 21-hour visit is still a secret but will no doubt be a
national scandal when it is revealed. A spokesman here to make the
arrangements put the Queen’s job into perspective when he declared she didn’t meet
ordinary people, alluding to the ballot which will select three octogenarians
to meet her – or will they?