It’s been a busy week for the Subeditorial Antics Appreciation Society.

Media Watch had fun on Monday night with the Byron ShireEcho‘s attempts to catch rival publication, Northern Star, in the act of plagiarising their gig guide. Fake acts planted by Echo subs – and copied verbatim by the less astute Star hacks – included the Flagrant Plagiarists and the Monica Attard Orchestra.

Then there’s the TV guide in my local real estate paper, The Melbourne Weekly. For example, if you were watching Channel Nine yesterday, you might have caught:

Other
Commonwealth Games events listed in this TV guide are: Dungeons and
Dragons, Women’s hop scotch, Men’s Kerplunk final, Rounders, Open kiss
chasey and Red Rover.

On Sunday there is a program on at 6:30pm
called “United By the Moment”, which the TV guide describes as:
“Highlights from the 2006 Commonwealth Games, which, in case you didn’t
know, were in Melbourne.” And the closing ceremony later that night is
described as: “Patronisingly hosted by Ray Martin, from the MCG. An
exhibition of pride, unity, goodwill and extreme government spending to
bring the 2006 Commonwealth Games to a close.”

But it’s not just the Commonwealth Games – the anonymous TV guide sub likes to comment on other programs, too:

The Biggest Loser: (Wed) “C’mon, Fiona isn’t fat!”
(Thurs) “No, really, Fiona is quite cute.” (Fri) “Fiona’s actually
thinner than most Australian Idol contestants.”

Medium:
(Thurs) “Allison finds out a prisoner is not guilty of the crime for
which he was punished. Meanwhile, her husband asks her to dream up next
week’s Tattslotto numbers?”

Home And Away (Fri): “Amanda
and Josh face off in a violent showdown. Summer Bay unites in a final
desperate bid to prevent Project 56 – bloody NIMBYs.” (Tues): “In a
desperate bid to escape arrest, Amanda tries to flee Summer Bay – as
you would if you’re trying to escape arrest in Summer Bay.”

Movie: 2 Fast 2 Furious:
(Fri) “A disgraced cop singlehandedly tries to bring down an illegal
drag-racing ring operated in Miami by a totally anonymous cast.”

Movie: Pocahontas (Sat):
“The daughter of an Indian chief falls in love with an English soldier.
Voices of Irene Bedard, Judy Kuhn, Mel Gibson, and the bloke who played
Charles Emerson-Winchester III in M*A*S*H.”

Movie: True Lies: (Sat) “Someone at Blockbuster needs to tell 10 they have already borrowed this flick 58 times!”

Parkinson
(Sat): “Dawn French chats about her new film role and reveals her
unorthodox method of scaring boys away from her teenage daughter.
Hopefully, it doesn’t involve nudity!”

Dancing With The Stars (Tues): “Seven finds another excuse to let Jennifer Hawkins strut about wearing next to nothing – Hmm, must set the video.”

When I called Fairfax Community Network (formerly Text Media) and asked to be put through to Melbourne Weekly‘s
editorial department (“I have a quick question about the TV guide”), I
was put on hold for ages only to be told that “everyone in editorial is
unavailable.”

But the receptionist told me the comedy sub-editing “has been going on
for about a month”. When I asked who was responsible for it, she said
she’d “find out”, and took down my number. I’m playing marbles while I
wait for a call back.