One of the more adventurous cosmological theories states that, whenever a decision is taken, the universe splits and a new one forms in which the alternate result occurred.

By my count, this means that last night four new universes popped into existence in which New Zealand did not throw away their Enormous Bank Logo game against Australia.

Today, in a Crikey exclusive, we take you inside one of those alternate realities to interview the captains after the Kiwis’ shock win.

CRIKEY: Stephen Fleming, you must be delighted to have pulled off a win without Bond, Styris, Oram et al. How did you manage it?

FLEMING: In short – fielding. Having posted a score that was 30 runs short of par we were always going to have to be disciplined in the field. And boy, were we!

CRIKEY: Tell us about the stand-out moments.

FLEMING: There were at least four. The first was James Franklin’s catch to dismiss Michael Clarke. Sure, it was a ridiculously simple catch, but imagine if James had just let it fall straight through his hands! We’d have looked really silly!
Then, of course, there was the out-fielding. I mean, the way our boys saved every boundary – much better than our original plan of doing big showy slides to escort the ball into the rope. Those runs could have hurt us if it had gone down to the last few balls. Fortunately, we’ll never know.

CRIKEY: What about the Hussey run-out?

FLEMING: Well, it’s an instant classic, isn’t it? Again, far superior to the drills we do involving staggering about like eejits and pushing over the stumps by hand.

CRIKEY: Thank God you didn’t do that!

FLEMING: I know, we could have thrown the game away! Finally, getting Clarke out again to a simple catch behind – a bit odd getting Clarke out twice, but that’s alternate universes for you.

CRIKEY: Thanks Stephen. Ricky Ponting, as captain of the Green Team That Isn’t South Africa, Pakistan or Bangladesh, you must be disappointed?

PONTING: Whatever. Listen, does my bum look big in this Enormous Bank Logo?