Why stop at the Mersey hospital PM? We asked Crikey readers to suggest other pork barrel possibilities. 

An ice rink
Chris Graham writes: I would like to order a brand new ice rink for the seat of Canberra. Our current rink is a little old (although granted it’s not as old as our current Prime Minister, nor is it as cold). If John Howard can come through, I’ll not only vote for him, but I’ll invite Peter Costello and his missus around for dinner.

Free uggies
Mark Ptolemy writes: I live in the seat of Lindsay and the Libs would hold the seat by this bit of pork: Free ugg boots for every family plus a tax rebate for mag wheels and gaso-bands for weight control or tax deductions for credit card repayments.

An indoor pool
Ivars and Magda Avens write: We live in Bass, which like Braddon is held by the Liberals by a slender margin. We have been waiting forever for an indoor swimming pool which is on the drawing board but making little progress. Would love some lard to grease the wheels of Launceston City Council, the movement of which is so slow as to be almost imperceptible.

A new hospital
Tony Kevin writes: Eden-Monaro – a marginal seat, Gary Nairn will fight to hold it against strong Labor candidate Colonel Mike Kelly – has no major all-facilities hospital. Batemans Bay, Moruya, Cooma, Queanbeyan all are running down and with skeleton staffs. Bega is just OK. Otherwise it’s recourse to Canberra or Wollongong, from an electorate that is a helluva lot bigger in terms of both area and population than northwestern Tasmania. What about Howard and Nairn promising a big new hospital for Batemans Bay? Mike Kelly had better be ready for this one. (But of course Howard won’t deliver a hill of beans – these will all be non-core promises to try to get him over the line).

A bigger carpark
John Goldbaum writes: I live in Wentworth and pay a hefty fee to use the St Vincent’s Hospital public carpark when I go to see a movie at the Academy Twin on Oxford Street, Darlinghurst. Unfortunately, with so many aspirational voters having affluenza these days, they have started to use the carpark for the very same movie sessions. Now, the “Carpark Full” sign is often on display by the time I arrive. How about building us a bigger hospital carpark, Mr Howard?

Doctors, roads, terror … whatever
Luke Davis writes: What my government can do for me in Petrie, QLD.  GP’s: “We are no longer taking on new patients, if it is an emergency please call 000” is a standard answer if you haven’t registered with a practice as I found out when trying to take my daughter to a GP. Closest doctor is 10kms away. Roads: Definition of a bottleneck – 80,000 cars during peak hour on a two (sometimes three) lane road with pot holes to the city with many many traffic lights. Public Transport: We want bus tunnels like the rest of Brisbane. Average bus trip is one hour or more and the trains are over crowded (but they do run on time and the brakes work). Road Black Spots: Yes we know the federal government is funding black spots (17 from Carseldine to City or one every 850m) but we would prefer that that money be spent on fixing them instead, plus some other intersections that have too many accidents thus are too dangerous for workers to put the black spot signs up. Water: Who needs it anyway. Terrorists: I think my neighbour has a SIM card (the crazy one on the southern side of us) can we get him arrested? Terrorism – 25 arrested, Convicted of terrorism – 0. Terrorism – Still waiting for a terrorist attack, perhaps they are just fashionably late.

Less pollution
Johanna McLuskey writes: I live in Kilburn, an inner northern suburb of Adelaide. It is traditionally a high welfare-dependent, high pollution area that gets little attention from State Governments, I guess because it is a very safe Labor seat. The State Government appears to be supporting the dramatic expansion of a foundry (Bradken Pty Ltd) to boost its mining industry support, despite the foundry being located immediately adjacent to residents and having been a significant contributor to major pollution problems in the area. The company says they can’t afford to relocate to a zone specifically set up for foundries, so I am looking for federal assistance to the company so that they no longer have that excuse. I think this is a really worthy cause in a very marginal seat – the seat of Adelaide is currently held by Kate Ellis (just), and I’m sure anything that would help move Bradken would earn a lot of votes in this area.

Even less pollution
Sean McConnell writes: I live in the marginal Queensland electorate of Moreton. In this electorate lies Yeronga TAFE. This TAFE has been the subject of a long running environmental dispute, and under the administration of the State Government has failed to satisfy the residents of the surrounding area that it has complied with court orders restricting certain harmful activities, specifically, removal of some smoke stacks. I’d love to see Howard come in and take control of the TAFE, tell some of the more aggressive employees who work there to stop intimidating some of the residents and tear down the stacks.

A cinema multiplex
Shelley Frawley writes: I live in Seymour in McEwen, held by Fran Bailey by a mere 6.5%. This is one the Libs can’t risk losing. They would get my vote by building a cinema multiplex, with one screen dedicated to art house and foreign films. We 6,000+ Seymourans deserve the same cultural and leisure opportunities as the city folk. Oh, and someone to serve drinks while we watch the piccies. That would be nice.  Thank you, and give my best to the PM.

A railway bridge
Ron Hughes writes: Kingston Electorate which is south of Adelaide. Desperately needs a railway bridge across the Onkaparinga River to service the mushrooming outer southern suburbs such as Seaford and Aldinga/ Port Willunga. The state government is appalled at the potential cost. Maybe the PM could bribe us with a few millions to get it under way?

More coal trains
Greg Hughes writes: I think I am in the new Electorate of Flynn, which was to be named something else but everyone decided it was too naughty. Hitler or Bottom or some such. Naming an Electorate after Errol is a bit naughty anyway, and probably should have been done in Tassie. What the hell, nearly everyone who’s in Flynn relies on King Coal for their livelihood, and it is no secret that Teflon Pete has been siphoning the coffers of QR to fund his own grandiloquent plans, rather than boring sh-t like buying trains to move coal. The upshot of this is that an awful lot more coal will be dug up this year, but rather a lot less will meander it’s way to the coast. One of his crazier spending sprees was to buy Australian National Rail, so all John the Baptist has to do is engineer (pun!) a reverse takeover, and our coal arteries can be run by an incompetent Federal Beaurocracy, rather than an incompetent State unit.

Kill the rail link
Niall Clugston writes: The electorate of Parramatta – one of the few to swing to Latham – would greatly benefit the indefinitely postponed Parramatta to Chatswood rail link. Can Johnny Howard put on a hard hat and get it done?

Motorway duplication
Julian Evans writes: By the electoral role and by one street, I’m in Griffith and not subject to the Pork flying in Bonner, but as the most marginal seat in the country, I’m going to be backing onto anything the government will want to throw at us. I suspect that they’ll be a big announcement around about the fast tracking of duplication of the Gateway motorway to increase capacity with the Logan motorway. There’ll also be non-core promises about doing something to help the Liberal Mayor to add extra water capacity to the reshitservoir. We’ve already got an announced Australian Training College, but expect further announcements around medical and dental school places at Grifith uni and possibly a medical school on the sunshine coast. They could even announce a grand ring road which goes way around Michael Johnston’s Ryan electorate, but with some fine print about it not starting until 2011.

Underwrite investment loans
Dez Hoy writes: If I have to get porked by Johnny, he better make it worth my while by including lashings of bacon rind….. And the pork better be fresh – I don’t want any old salted and/or pickled pig. I live in the NSW Northern Rivers, where marginal seats abound, and where a good many voters are marginalised fringe dwellers whose dwellings tend to be rented houses. My plea for pork is for the government to underwrite or provide housing loans to people who could afford to buy into a multiple occupancy property, but can’t find any financial institution to lend them the money.

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