On Tuesday, Telstra announced that it would triple the speed of its hybrid fibre coaxial cable network, enabling speeds of up to 100 megabits per second to the home.

The boffins at the Department of Science tell me that is pretty fast.

“Imagine a big pile of money,” said the Chief Scientist, “at 100 megabits, it will take less than 20 minutes to use up your 400 megabyte limit and amass a $1500 excess-usage bill.”

Melbourne is the fetishist capital of Australia, with s-x-toy market penetration standing at over 108%; that’s an electronic vibrating v-gina or strap-on p-nis for every man, woman, and child in the state.

With the knowledge that a p-rnographer’s library of digital filth will grow to match the capacity of the collector’s hard drive, Telstra is cynically targeting the most vulnerable, affluent, and depraved people within our society. 100 megabit transfer speeds will easily — irresistibly — enable the streaming of two girls gleefully consuming, and exchanging, the excrement from endangered pandas. All in sickening high-definition.

Unchecked, the rampant advance of broadband technology in Australia could lead to a devastating decline in the availability of morally-sound content online. In the past, when online video was a blurry mess in a small window, a child stumbling upon vision of an unholy cross-species coupling between horse-and-human might be convinced that they had, instead, seen a unicorn kissing a princess. In a 100 megabit world, there is no such confusion; in high-definition, you see every throbbing vein, and every puncture wound on a trackmark-covered arm.

Telstra’s announcement reinforces the importance of the Federal Governments filter initiative. If, as GetUp.org claims, Internet performance could be reduced after the deployment of the filter, perhaps that’s for the best? 100 megabits reduced to 20 megabits is still a lot more bits than there are today, and there’s less chance of inadvertently being exposed to the horrors of equine s-xual abuse.