Who’d have thought it! Senator Fielding believes in climate change, he declared today. Except, he actually doesn’t, because he thinks it’s not getting any warmer, but that’s only because he believes in giving all sides a fair hearing, including the barking mad.

Can anyone seriously follow what Fielding believes from moment to moment? Can he?

Never fear: today we can lay to rest speculation about Senator Fielding’s intentions re the Government’s ETS Bill. We have managed to obtain a copy of the amendment that Senator Fielding proposes to move in the Senate when the CPRS Bill comes up for debate in August.

We understand Fielding’s support for the bill is conditional on passage of his amendments and he will not support the bill without these critical amendments designed to protect families — well, okay, one family in particular — and clarify some key adaptation processes in the event climate change gets out of hand.

2009-2010

The Parliament of the
Commonwealth of Australia

SENATE

Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme Bill 2009

(Senator Fielding)

(1) Clause 4, page 16 (after line 15), after the definition of actuarial determination, insert:

ark, means a vessel of gopher wood, the length of the ark shall be three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits. A window shalt thou make to the ark, and in a cubit shalt thou finish it above; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; with lower, second, and third stories shalt thou make it.

[arks and generic flotation devices]

(2) Clause 74, page 57 (after line 8), after subclause (2), insert:

(2A) Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch.

(2B) In the event there is a flood of waters upon the earth, to destroy all flesh, wherein is the breath of life, from under heaven; and every thing that is in the earth shall die, thou shalt come into the ark, thou, and thy sons, and thy wife, and thy sons’ wives with thee. And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee; they shall be male and female.

(2C) Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every sort shall come unto thee, to keep them alive.

(2D) Notwithstanding subclause (2C) to the contrary, the following allocation of animal resources shall apply: of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female. Of fowls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female; to keep seed alive upon the face of all the earth.

(2E) For the purposes of clarity, subclause (2D) shall not apply to creeping things unless otherwise specified.

[specified global inundation protocol]

(3) Page 76 (after line 4), at the end of Division 2 of Part 2, add:

9 Process for determination of fate of those who repenteth not

(1) In the event an angel pours out his vial upon the sun; and power is given unto him to scorch men with fire.

(2) And the men under clause 9(1) are scorched with great heat, and blaspheme the name of God, which hath power over these plagues:

(3) And the men under clause 9(1) repenteth not to give him glory.

(4) The Minister will come as a thief. Blessed is he that watcheth, and keepeth his garments, lest he walk naked, and they see his shame.

(5) To avoid doubt, if the Minister under clause 9(4) has no shame, clause 9(4) shall not be taken to apply.

(6) The Minister will gather them together into a place called in the Hebrew tongue Armageddon.

(7) And there will be voices, and thunders, and lightnings; and there will be a great earthquake, such as was not since men were upon the earth, so mighty an earthquake, and so great.

8) For the purposes of clarification, the earthquake under clause 9(7) shall definitely be great.

[greatness of earthquakes for lack of repentance assessment]

(4) Page 354 (after line 12), at the end of Division 7 of Part 4, add:

7 Labour for remediation of environments damaged by climate change

(1) In the event environmental remediation works are to be undertaken funded by the Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme, the following requirements shall apply to labour:

(a) Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves.

(b) You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property.

(c) You may will them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life, but you must not rule over your fellow Israelites ruthlessly.

(d) Ruthlessness shall be defined in the Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme Regulations and shall be a disallowable instrument.