The Prime Minister had big news this morning.
“Today I’ll be asking the Governor-General to approve the appointment of Kim Beazley as Australia’s next ambassador to the United States of America. I’ll also be asking the Governor-General to approve the appointment of Brendan Nelson as Australia’s next ambassador to the European Communities as Australia’s representative to the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation (NATO) and special representative to the World Health Organisation and as Australia’s ambassador to Belgian and Luxembourg. These two appointments will ensure two respected and proud Australians continue to serve their country in the highest capacity.”
A further example of Kevin Rudd’s deft bipartisanship, as Bernard Keane puts it in today’s Crikey edition. However, appointments and overseas postings can also be used quite effectively to place critics at arm’s length, a sort of exile if you will. In this light we should not be surprised if Mark Latham is soon appointed as Australia’s new representative in Djibouti.
Surely the Financial Review’s most colourful columnist must be coming close to the point of enforced international departure … a fitting tribute to his long public service and contribution to the Australian polity. In today’s column he quotes private emails from the now deputy prime minister at length, taking us all back to the moment in September 2005 when Julia Gillard wrote: “Rudd is out campaigning his little heart out to be leader — seeing newspaper editors, doing business functions, backgrounding — all the usual stuff … Smith and Swan are obviously concerned that Rudd has got in front of them and if Beazley fell over Rudd would be it. Consequently, they are actually genuinely supporting Beazley, instead of the usual routine of pretending to support him but actually manoeuvring for their own futures.”
Latham observes: ”Now she presents herself at party forums as a dewy eyed Kevinista, a loyal and compliant deputy to the man she once abhorred. This is what happens to Labor MPs when they compromise their beliefs for power.”
Guinea-Bissau perhaps? Tonga?
Exactly. Export toxic waste.
Beazley can squeeze into some second-hand US warplanes, then buy them. It’ll be just like the old days.
Mark Latham? Tuvalu.
Frank: Tuvalu would be a doodle compared to the following:
John Howard: Consul General for Ushuaia. Geographically the last point of Argentina in Tierra del Fuego, the part closest to Antartica. He’ll have the hardest place on earth to practice his gardening-what the wind doesn’t kill the biting cold will.
Janette has always wanted the glitter of a royal court so she will have a million penguins, hundreds of elephant seals, fur seals, and just ordinary seals to lord it over.
Christopher Pyne. Consul General for Northern Siberia. Just the place to learn to live with silence, the creak-creaking of trees, bowed down with tons of snow. Nine months of winter, three months of summer. A place to learn humility. Siberia Just beautiful in the Spring. A great place to hear the vastness of this huge country., very elegant social scene, especially during the ski season. A country where Massaratis and Ferraris outnumber the people. He would lose weight walking up and down those mountains. But think of the easy access to major European capitals. I think he”d love it.
Tony Abbott. Consul General for Petra in Jordan. Very small but with eons of time to look at the Rose City and to ponder the essence of Islam. It’s inherent serenity and how it aligns with Christianity. No Tony, it will be forbidden to tell the locals how to run their lives according to the Catholic ideal. A superb place to earn Arabic, and, who knows? You may be able to field a football team for the Junior League.
Malcolm Turnbull or Mark Latham: Consul General for Las Islas Malvinas. They both got high on crowds. Admittedly the people part of crowds will be missing, but hey, there’s just masses of sheep. Acres of solitude in which to practice your parliamentary speeches for the next time around. Also a place where conservation is very high on the agenda. I admit the wind and the cold to be appalling.
Damn Paragraph three has a major error. Third line up from the bottom of the paragraph is missing the word Andorra (a very elegant social scene, especially during the ski season.)
Tim Holding to Nepal.
Sen. Fielding: The Holy See.
Phillip Adams: Cultural Attache, Cairo.
NSW Govt: Christmas Island
Mark Latham (revised): St.Helena
Short politicians: Tuvalu
Very short politicians: Tuvalu beach.
Urgent revision: At the request of Mrs. Holding, Tim Holding to Holland.