I’ve got some very exciting news to share. I’ve been offered a job! And it’s not just any job, it’s a diplomatic post.
I didn’t have to schmooze Kevin or even be a “successful” liberal ex-politician. All I had to do was “enjoy talking to others” and love “sharing thoughts and information on how they can make a positive difference to the environment, the community and the people around them”.
Obviously my interest in sharing information preceded me (who knew so many powerful people read Crikey?). Because when the diplomatic corps needed help with their environmental community sharing messaging, my name was clearly at the top of the list.
They’ve even noticed (I’m not sure how) that I am renowned for being the “guardian of the household” and the maker “of family decisions”, so kudos to them and their thorough information gathering. Although to be honest it would have been good not to mention that so publicly. It has gotten me in a bit of bother with her indoors.
My personally engraved invitation arrived just yesterday (copy below). Now some (clearly envious) folks have suggested that it might have been sent to more than just me. But that can’t be true, it is addressed to me personally (it says Dear David). They are clearly aware of my love of sharing information. And they practically plead with me — signing off with “we would love to hear from you”.
No, naysayers be buggered. Coca-Cola has clearly turned over a new leaf. It has decided to be an environmental saviour of some description (with a diplomatic corps — it’s an ambassador it wants). And it needs an excellent communicator (oh, say, such as me) to help convince people how wrong they’ve been to think of them as just a purveyor of sugar (and water).
Oh, there’s some i dotting and t crossing to do, but I’ve filled out their little online form. So I’ll no doubt be taking up my new posting any day now. I wonder if it will be based in the Maldives? I hear they are nice (although prone to flooding due to global warming now — hey, maybe they’ll send me straight to Copenhagen).
I can’t wait to start sharing information on how other people can make a positive difference. Maybe I should start now. Ahem — people (that’s you) can make a positive difference to the environment by buying sugar-sweetened beverages. The drinks will make you fat, which means not all the sugar is turned into energy. Less energy, less CO2 out of your mouth. So drink up, the planet will thank you!
How am I doing? I reckon I’m made for this corporate spin ambassadorial lark.
Haha very amusing. As someone who has been a Coca Cola Amatil shareholder for 11 years I have sadly been witness to almost 11 AGMs where one or two people have got up and asked when CCA was going to embrace deposits on containers as a way of increasing the recycling rate and every time these questions have been greeted only by some sniggering from the fund manager suits present in the peanut gallery and a complete rejection of the idea from the Coke MD and CEO.
Sadly marketing people believe that you can pour enough money and smiling, beautiful people into an effort to convince people that talking the talk is a nice substitute to walking the walk. It might seem a great idea in the boardroom when they all pat themselves on the back after emerging from their latest bad-ideas-on-acid meeting but people can sort out genuine and spin for themselves.