Mary MacKillop has been granted Sainthood for performing two miracles … but what about the other miracles she is alleged to have performed?
The miracle of Kevin Rudd’s popularity. Like that lad from Nazareth, he speaks in riddles, parables and clichés, yet his words are taken as gospel. He wanders the land curing the hospital system, saving the rivers, converting the swinging voters. Is he Anglican, Catholic, Jewish; or is Kevin the new saviour and founder of his own religion? Kevinism. As with immaculate conception, believing in Kevin’s abilities requires an act of faith.
The miracle of Nicole Kidman’s Oscar. She won an Academy Award. For acting! How is that not a miracle?
The miracle of Nick Minchin’s education. He went to school. A good one too. They had globes and science labs and television sets even. Then he went to university. They had a library there. The Dewey Decimal system. Exams you had to pass. So it remains a miracle how Nick could get through all those years of education and still believe smoking is good for you, the world is getting colder and Commies live under his bed.
The miracle of Shane Warne’s hair. One minute he’s going as bald as Peter Garrett, the next it’s a bouffant of horse hair and micro fibres. Sure he claims it’s the work of Advance Hair, but others proclaim our Mary is responsible.
The miracle of Tony Abbott’s ascension. Mary’s hand is said to be all over this miracle: a baffle eared knob faced charlatan becomes leader of the Liberal Party. A miracle, or proof God has a wicked sense of humour?
The miracle of Senator Stephen Fielding’s election. They say God works in mysterious ways, and one needs no more proof than His intervention in the Victorian ALP preference deal, which saw His messenger elected to the senate with the aid of three wise men — Stephen Conroy, Alan Griffin and Tim Gartrell. More miraculous are Fielding’s views, which haven’t changed in 2000 years.
The miracle of Alan Bond’s memory. Mary again. Did she cure this colourful Perth identity of his total amnesia? Bond’s memory was completely gone. Vanished. Fizzled out. And then ‘whooska’, a quick glance at Mary’s portrait and he suddenly remembers every piece of financial acumen and share trading scheme. Amazing.
The miracle of Kate Ellis. How she became a federal minister? Must be the result of Devine intervention.
The miracle of Keith Keith Windschuttle’s research. One of the most mysterious events in modern times has been Keith’s ability to uncovered hidden meanings in the scriptures. You think your young children are “running wild” — when Keith’s reading of the Dead Sea Scrolls reveals that they’re really bonking bushmen of the Kalahari. Only Keith could decipher that God called thousands of Tasmanian Aborigines peacefully to heaven.
The miracle of Philip Ruddock’s resurrection. Jesus wasn’t the only one to come back from the dead…
The Catholic Church shouldn’t count the last item as a miracle because I’m sure he’s been a walking “undead” for quite some time.
does it takes death and sainthood .for a female to get equality in R.C.
hierarchy ?
RAY LEHRER: “Does it take death and sainthood for a female to get equality in (the) R.C. hierarchy?”
No, there’s no such thing as equality for a woman in the Catholic Church. What it really takes is one three thousand year old religion blindingly aware that the masses are not quite as massive as they used to be. One Prime Minister of a religious bent prepared to squander the taxpayers money on such non-essential items as a mass jamboree for Catholics. A team of public relations people, a huge R.C lobby vote and a desperate newspaper, or two, to come out at a time of the year when the only news is a coverage of the slaughter on our roads. AND BINGO! You have yourself a new Oz saint.
Who says money can’t buy everything?
RAY: Sorry, I forgot to add; two apparent miracles when two people went into remission whilst suffering from Cancer. I mean, no one else ever goes into remission do they?
Also a credulous cast of thousands who, if the Church said so, would believe the MCG was owned by James Packer: who, in turn, believes in Scientology.
Ah, sh*t. I thought Packer owned the MCG and I’m not remotely RC, let alone christian. Its hard to know what to believe these days, so I’ll go along with Paul Simon – “these are the days of miracles and wonder, so don’t cry baby, don’t cry, woo-oo.”
This is a fine list Mr Slurry, and may open the way for women to become eligible for the papacy. However, you missed the miracle associated with Kevin Andrews, who we thought had been politically euthanased, but is around again to ensure or moral compasses point in the (far) right direction. Seems Mary’s been very busy since sainthood was first mooted.