We’re at the business end of the corruption season now, with today’s blockbuster grand final match-up between our two victorious semi-finalists.
On Wednesday, Dan Andrews blew Annastacia Palaszczuk out of the park with a stunning performance that will send the Queenslanders back home with a lot of thinking to do if they’re going to be competitive in the corruption stakes next season.
And yesterday, Scott Morrison edged out Gladys Berejiklian in an absolute nailbiter that went right down to the wire. The prime minister was forced to dig deep and pull something magical out to defeat a surging NSW premier — and boy did he produce, with a cracking proposal for an integrity body that would actually help hide corruption.
So on paper, Morrison would look to have the edge over his Victorian rival — with whom he has been engaging in constant sledging for the last six months. But has Andrews got a surprise or two left?
Before the main event, we’ve got a great contest between the last-placed major finalist, Queensland, and the best of the rest. On Wednesday, South Australia showed that it’s not just all about lovely wines and stinking hot summers, but can mix it with the best on sleaze, easily defeating the rest of the smaller states and territories.
But what happens when South Australia, with its multiple casualties from a travel allowance scandal and the ongoing ructions over the University of Adelaide, faces the lift in quality that marks a trip to the eastern states?
As it turns out, Queensland just has too much pace and power when it comes to sleaze. With staffers-turned-lobbyists-turned-campaigners given government offices as part of a lobbying-industrial complex in which people move seamlessly between public office, political campaign and private lobbying, Queensland is the place where integrity takes a well-earned holiday.
Systemic sleaze in which the very system of government is disposed toward influence-wielding by well-connected vested interests beats out MPs engaging in some routine rorting of travel allowances.
So the Sunshine State — as befits the state that gave us Joh and the Nats — keeps its place in the big league, but South Australia is by no means disgraced. Fielding a good young team, it augurs well for corruption in future years if it can get the system right in Adelaide.
Victoria v the Commonwealth
As the players take the field for the main event, we can reflect on two strong recent histories. The Andrews government, of course, had the red shirts scandal, which for some strange reason — you’d never pick it — led to no charges at all by the Victorian police.
It also had a long and healthy tradition of branch-stacking that helped build the career of Adem Somyurek, who lost his job under Andrews previously but was welcomed back before finally making one cash drop and misogynistic comment too many.
But to illustrate the commitment of the federal Liberals, they were not about to let branch-stacking, a traditional Labor strength, go unchallenged, mounting their own branch-stacking scandal that saw powerbrokers forced from their own Victorian ranks mid-year and left questions hanging over current and former federal ministers and how they used their offices.
It may not have had quite the seedy gravitas of Victorian Labor, but the Victorian federal Liberals showed that they weren’t about to be overawed on their opponents’ turf.
The Morrison government also has deep roots in sordid behaviour — there was the handout to the government’s Business Council mates at the Great Barrier Reef Foundation in Malcolm Turnbull’s time; there are the unresolved sexual harassment allegations involving Barnaby Joyce to this day, dating from his time in the ministry, and a number of scandals in water management and animal welfare from his time in the Agriculture portfolio. The prosecution of Witness K and Bernard Collaery began under Malcolm Turnbull, too.
But where the Morrison government’s real strength lies is in the truly systemic nature of its corruption. Under Scott Morrison, the Liberal and National parties sell policy to the highest donor. The Liberals have always been about serving the interest of business donors, but now donors routinely get to dictate policy, especially around energy, climate, banking and consulting, and directly benefit from government largesse.
If the Labor Party relies heavily on union donations and thus allows unions a key role in shaping policy, that limits and stymies the potential for truly systemic corruption because of the limited aims of unions relating to their memberships. The genius of the Liberal model is that it accepts donation from corporations and high wealth individuals, who then play a key role in shaping policy according to the commercial interests of corporations — bugging the Timor-Leste cabinet for Woodside, trying to block FOFA for the big banks, inventing a “gas-led recovery” for Santos and Origin, and so on.
That’s why Victorian Labor are highly-skilled, dedicated amateurs at corruption, with the whiff of student politics about them, while Scott Morrison’s government are cool, highly trained professionals strongly motivated by cash — tens of millions of it.
That’s why Scott Morrison’s government wins the 2020 prize for the sleaziest, most corrupt outfit in Australia. And what a worthy winner — all the hard work, all the rorting, all the dodging and fucking of scrutiny, all the blatant misconduct, have paid off in spades.
Truly the federal government is a deserving winner of the inaugural Gold Aldi Bag made famous by NSW Labor — a fitting symbolic passing of the torch from the thugs and crooks of that state, who set the standard so high in corruption for so long, to a new generation of right-wing spivs aiming even higher.
Bernard tried but failed miserably over previous 2 editions to create the illusion of a real competition but the final winner was never in doubt. A well deserved win, nonetheless, though against minor-league competitors. To me Morrison’s standout achievement, largely overlooked by Bernard, is his ability to totally absolve himself and his Sleazy All Stars from any responsibility, for anything!
Not true, Peter. Scotty happily takes responsibility for anything positive achieved by the States. In fact, he insists on it.
The Fed Libs are the new version of ‘the untouchables’.. Organized crime is in awe of what they can get away with Scott free…
“The Right Black Hand.”?
… And Scotty’s hardly “free”.
Was there ever any doubt – from when Scotty FM ducked the ashes at the beginning of the year, preferring to be somewhere else other than Oz.
What a let-down – so one sided.
Shredderjiklian woulda whipped Dan’s arse when it comes to corruption. And would Andrews have been able to get away with what she has – “meeja an awl”?
(…. Keane’s not related to Barry Gomersall is he?)
(… Dan’s blue suits?)
It’s so depressing and disheartning that the only thing we can do is mock them. There seems to be very little hope that our political leaders can be held to account.
TINA – made a catch phrase by Thatcher, meaning
There Is No Alternative.
Would you trust federal “Labor” with running anything?
It couldn’t even run the 2019 campaign without alienating its most obvious potential supporters.
Thanks to the downvoters, True Believers who, apparently, still truly believe that the Light on the Hill is going to be rekindled by the time servers, seat polishers & chancers.
The alternative is to vote the most corrupt government in living memory back in. That’s no solution, abaddon.
They would also be the most incompetent and heartless govt in living memory, but, well, Abbott.
Given the time in Opposition and the accompanying ineffectiveness your last statement is no less applicable to the ALP. Perhaps the choice is between the Libs and ON.
‘Incompence’ is more easily assessed than ‘Heartless’ but Snorten and Albo have rubber stamped the lot.
To propose that is a counsel of despair.
Assuming that you concur that Labor is “no solution” then what might be?
One may not say that because A is a dead loss therefore we are stuck with B.
I agree that the situation is anything but optimistic, Agni, but placing our heads into the sand serves no purpose either.
If ‘B’ is to be rejected then, in the absence of alternatives, one accepts a dead loss.
Mrs T’s Nemesis, the (other) Grocer used to roar TITAN, a reference to his name which I am still unable, a half century later, to utter without nausea.
We could repurpose it to mean There Is This Alternative Now, if only there were one.
Certainly none to be found among the sclerotic time wasters, wannabes, wankers and whingers that constitute the self identified progressives.
Yesterdays semi final was the real final!
Bernard just can’t help himself when it comes to Vic Labor v. NSW LNP. Gladys’s sleazy corruption alone outdoes the whole Victorian government, and today’s news of Liberal branch stacking blows Bernard out of the water on that topic. Don’t know what the purpose of this championship was, as Morrison and co. have no peers when it comes to sleaze and corruption, and could probably enter the ring with a good chance against global rivals.
Yes, and Somyurek is out, branch stacking has been investigated. No one has faced any discipline in NSW.
Corruption happens, we get that, power corrupts, crimes of opportunity… So booting those responsible and investigating what happened with a mind to stopping it in the future is responsible.
Compare and contrast with ‘everyone does pork-barrelling,’. I think with that comment NSW are the undisputed stars of the corruption show.