COVID-19 has changed everything — even how we speak. Ever mindful of the lexiconic variations, Crikey satirist Tom Red offers a list of new words for a new world. Feel free to send in your suggestions by writing to letters@crikey.com.au.
Jibber jabbers People with no understanding of immunology who talk incessantly about immunology.
Pfizerbility study People of a certain age researching ways to get a certain jab.
Mockdown Whereby political leaders in one state ridicule public health decisions made in another.
Crockdown Whereby local authorities impose a lightning lockdown only to call it off two days later because someone misread a test result.
Smug druggler Someone who claims, with a smirk, to have secured tens of millions of vaccine doses, but hasn’t.
Irrita-bubble When your preferred “bubble buddy” dumps you and you’re reduced to sharing precious lockdown walks with a tedious, dog-mad, friend-of-a-friend from book club.
Border-line Personality Disorder A psychological condition in which people feel compelled to pack the car and drive north through the dead of night whenever they hear the words “premier”, “press” and “conference”.
Family spraycation Like a family staycation, but 18 months long and with more awkward silences, door-slamming and truth-telling.
Gerry Hatricks Wily old retail barons who miraculously trouser millions in government support that was meant for people who were actually struggling.
App-rehensive A reluctance to sign in at each and every place you visit just in case your movements become public knowledge, like Sydney’s famed BBQ dude. This condition is particularly acute among those of us who feel our lives are irrevocably mundane.
Stockholm Syndrome Going to Ikea, even though you don’t like going to Ikea.
Sales slump A turgid state of miasma brought on by watching an unchanging stream of pandemic news, opinion and journalistic axe-grinding.
Netfluke Finding something new to watch that isn’t set in space, a “quirky dramady” or “emotionally inspiring”.
I liked a cartoon in Private Eye (UK) with the caption:
“Cynthia says she has fallen back in love with her husband, but I am pretty sure it is just Stuckhome Syndrome.”
Mediafication – turning reality into fantasy for target audiences
I thought Tom Red’s were funnier. Although your ‘Crikied’, ‘Jabjob’, and ‘Snackdown’ were worthy of mention-in-dispatches.
sQotting- when an undeserving person steals a position of power. A modern version of the old Australian custom of stealing huge swathes of land to obtain power.
Being Crikied – Being fed it’s daily doom and gloom while no real action comes from it.
Jabjob – administering Astra Zenica knowing one in the 100,000 will suffer severe consequences.
Snackdown – closure of catering business during lockdown
Mask pouter – someone who flouts the restriction rules
QR brigade – cohort of people slamming Vic’s QR system
Covid pressers – continuous asking to come forward for testing