Like every other pastime, the ancient art of dad-joke telling needs to pivot to a pandemic setting. Crikey satirist Tom Red gives the world’s oldest jokes the shot in the arm they need to survive these trying times.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because, unlike you or I, her life is not regulated by local government area boundaries.
Knock, knock.
Q: Who’s there?
A: My partner’s head banging rhythmically on a desk. I only worry now when it stops.
Knock, knock.
Q: Who’s there?
A: No one. Ever. Even the UberEats dude just dumps it and runs.
Q: What’s the difference between a Tuesday and a Thursday?
A: Absolutely fucking nothing.
After passing away peacefully, veteran shock jock Neil Mitchell wakes up in Heaven. He’s shocked to see St Peter is wearing a mask and there’s a QR code check-in station by the Pearly Gates. He demands to know what’s going on. “God wasn’t that keen on it either, but he was overruled — by Dan Andrews,” St Peter replies.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: For clearly defined exercise purposes, officer.
Q: How many people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. One lonely, broken, unkempt, pizza-festooned, rarely sober shell of a person.
Q: How many people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. Just so long as the person living alone has nominated one person (and one person only) to change the light bulb with them. This “bulb buddy” can only travel a maximum of 5km to the home to help change the light bulb. If, however, the light bulb in need of changing is in a hotspot LGA, the person nominated must also live within the same LGA.
An Aussie, a Kiwi and a Pom don’t walk into a bar.
Q: Why did the mad scientist cross Sauvignon Blanc with Xanax?
A: Reasons.
Q: What’s the worst thing about bumping into your ex at the pub?
A: That it won’t happen.
Q: Anyone in from Frankston tonight?
A: [silence]
Q: Anyone in from anywhere tonight?
A: [silence]
Q: Why did the man end up in hospital with a sourdough starter shoved up his nose?
A: It’s complicated.
Thank God for laughter
Thanks Tom 🙂
Very funny Tom.
Why do people mock dad jokes?
A sense of humor is the balance pole we need on the tightrope of life
Please keep walking past the open windows