Christian Porter has resigned from the ministry, but he should go from Parliament altogether. Madonna King helps him out by writing his resignation letter.
Dear voters,
These calls for me to resign from Parliament ignore my prodigious talent; it’s pure media drivel aimed at destroying the future prime minister.
I have been marked for great things since primary school. Intelligence. Ability to work across groups. Superior communication skills.
My work record stands for itself. A state prosecutor, where those who didn’t abide by the laws were punished. A state treasurer, where I knew where every dollar came from — and how it was spent.
I was lured to federal politics eight years ago, because — as people have been repeatedly telling me — I was destined for big things. That’s why I moved to the frontbench before becoming the highest legal officer in the land.
I know the law. I know right from wrong. But that means nought when a sensational and self-serving media, hundreds of them funded by you as taxpayers, want to cut down a tall poppy. And I am as tall as they come.
My determination to do the right thing left me with no choice but to launch defamation action. The accusations were wrong then, and they are wrong now. I’ve spent my life ensuring those not abiding by the law are punished, that those who stray from the rules pay.
That’s all history now. What’s not is the enormous cost to me, personally and professionally. The attorney-general’s job was taken from me — despite knowing I could both oversee the court and argue inside it at the same time. It’s not rocket science. Some people might not be able to do that. But I knew I could.
And it’s the same with this blind trust. I know the law. A state prosecutor. The Commonwealth attorney-general. And I’ve followed it to the letter.
Accountability is not a law. Transparency is not a legislative requirement. I revealed exactly what was required of me, when it was required.
Can you imagine if an anonymous donor to a charity was revealed, against their will? Why should it be any different in this case? If the person wanted to have their name in headlights, they wouldn’t have donated to a blind trust! Blind Freddy knows that.
Perhaps they wanted to do something for the greater good. Perhaps they understood the unfairness with which I was being treated. Perhaps they, too, had suffered the brutality of a media pack that struggles to understand anything complex — like blind trusts and pecuniary interests.
I thought resigning the ministry would end this chase. But — and this is very rare — I have been proved wrong.
My good friend Barnaby Joyce, another big intellect, agrees that my actions have been perfectly legal. He said as much, as acting prime minister. And that I’d be back on the frontbench. He didn’t say it, but he knows I was destined to be his boss.
How did he coin it? I’d had “a bad day at the wicket”. Good communication skills too. And all Australian cricket captains have copped a bad day. Although if I was honest this week’s been more like Steve Smith’s than any I can remember Allan Border copping.
The problem is that not all MPs — even on my side — are as cerebral as Barnaby and me. I shouldn’t name names, but Simon Birmingham’s performance at the weekend was a masterclass in how not to support a colleague. He faltered. That’s death in politics. Look down the barrel of that camera and do not falter. I never do.
Some are trying to make accountability the issue here. It’s not. Did voters put us back into power at the last election because of our unwavering support for accountability? Of course not. You voted for us because you despised Bill Shorten. Remember?
And with me going, you might be getting Shorten-lite on my side, and Anthony Albanese — who will never be accused of anything because he never does anything — on the other side.
This Parliament needs me. But I’ve decided, after consulting myself, that I don’t need it.
You know you are in political and ethical trouble when the Beetrooter takes centre stage in your defence team. I know, my preceding sentence doesn’t make sense – politics and ethics are irreconcilable in the LNP. However, one lives in hope, although a little less than in Covid-19 taking a well earned summer break.
The “ENTITLED ONE” and the Beetrooter often sat next to each other in the house of reps. Perhaps some of the conversation between them may have centered around a common interest in how many Parliamentary Staffers they had shagged.
Prodigious sense of entitlement perhaps…
Self satisfied entitled prat are some of the things I have heard him called.
I view him as nasty and sneaky and untrustworthy thus making him in good company for scottie from marketing.
And the rooter, who so far, thanks to the Nationals against Women Party, has not had to deal with his own unsavoury attentions foisted upon women; so the A*Hole Team are sticking together.
Self satisfied, entitled, prat is one of the nicer, calmer, thoughts that have had.
I also like ‘ponce’ as a moniker for him.
But some of us were buying this “prodigious talent” – because he was just another “member of the Coalition” – while he was using the courts to persecute Collaery, “K” and others whistle blowers? While those buyers were either ignoring or ridiculing those that were attuned to his “form” and seeing where it was likely headed? They never questioned his “talent” back then?
Buyers like various media Coalition boosters – such as King?
As for Porter’s track record the most outstanding (if you can call it this) result of his tough on crime in WA was ythe jailing of aboriginal women who don’t/ couldn’t afford to get a driving licence, well done, how clever!
Then we have the “secret trials” so beloved of this “proud white boy” Witness J , jailed because he needed psychiatric assistance and asked for it on the wrong embassy fax line and the bullying and inyimidation with a vendetta mindset another secret trial of Witness K and Bernard Colleary.
Please,Christian Porter should find another arena in which he can exercise his mean spirited nasty style which is so inherently his own.
That pic – where did his pads go?
And after an out of the box “rattling of the family jewels” like that one, he really will need a truss – blind or sighted.
never mind the pads… ‘Ports’ changed to being a Pom.
Was his prosecution of citizen K a possible reason for the gift?
It would be interesting if someone asked the Chairman of Woodside.
It certainly would not be DOWNER, HOWARD OR COSTELLO as they all so tight arsed to give anyone that sort of money.
I am sceptical of the reported educational achievements of scions.
Yes, like Abbot’s Rhodes Scholarship.
Rogues Collar more like it, and it was the then Professor Dyson Heydon, good friend of the Abbott family who recommended Abbott for the Rogues Collar, and that despite being cognizant of Abbott’s university hooliganism, vandalization of commonwealth property and court case brought by Helen Wilson for indecent assault.
People keep saying it has been trial by the mob but I have a problem with that. At a trial, all the evidence is produced, yet in this case the mob has been denied access to the ABC’s defence because the court acceded to Porter’s request to lock it away. So it’s not a trial at all.
Also he and his lawyer Sue Chrysanthou went so close to be put in the bin by the Federal Court Judge Thomas Thawley for lying in court.
Grace Tame:
“Mysterious yet transparent abuse of power. There’s no way $1 million would be unconditional. For the nation’s former highest lawmaker to claim ignorance of their financial aid is as insulting as Scott claiming ignorance of an alleged rape down the hall.”