American psychiatrist M Scott Peck wrote a bestselling book more than 25 years ago titled The Road Less Traveled. Early in the book, he outlines a few preconditions for a happy and fulfilled life (and one without thousands of hours at a therapist):
- Always seek out the truth
- Take responsibility for your actions
- Seek balance in all that you do.
The preconditions all seem reasonable. We should seek out truth so that decisions are made on the basis of truthful statements or facts. We have seen how a lack of the pursuit of truth has destroyed partisanship in the United States and fuelled batshit crazy COVID ideas in Australia.
And of course a balanced life is probably a happier one, although that will mean different things to different people. For some, balance will be spending most of their time at work and a smaller allocation with family, friends and hobbies. For others, work is only a way to fund a life so they will skew to more time with family, friends and hobbies and less time at work.
But what about taking responsibility for your actions?
My guess is most kids are brought up with parents instilling the need to “own up”, and there are enough examples showing the power of owning up.
We only need to reflect on the power of the “Sorry” statement by Kevin Rudd and how important it was to First Nations people to understand that taking responsibility carries enormous power.
And yet, we now have a prime minister who seems unable to ever really say sorry or take responsibility for actions that may have caused harm. At best he tries to do versions of “Sorry … but”, where the “sorry” bit is so deeply buried in context that it is clear that he doesn’t feel sorry at all.
I have also noticed this unfortunate psychological trait in business. There are business leaders who just seem unable to accept they did something wrong or caused pain to others.
In my career I worked for some time with someone who seemed genuinely unable to ever take responsibility for their actions, or ever say sorry. There were many times when it was patently clear they had undertaken some specific and significant act that caused harm or damage — and yet they were unable to acknowledge their actions.
My life at work and at home is littered with examples where I have done the wrong thing or I did something which subsequently caused pain or harm. But in all cases I have quickly and in some detail apologised. It seemed that providing a meaningful and heartfelt apology was the least I could do after having caused pain. I just don’t get the big deal with owning up and trying to make amends.
The dark side of this psychological disorder (being unable to say sorry) is that the non-apologists continue to cause harm into the future. They are never forced to recalibrate and often, having “got away” with being a dick just reinforces (in their weird and twisted minds) the lack of need to ever take responsibility for their actions.
Which brings me back to Scott Morrison. Why was it so hard for him to admit he fucked up by not ordering enough COVID-19 vaccines from a wider variety of sources? Why wasn’t he able to apologise for the appalling carpark funding rorts? Why can’t he admit he and his government do not believe in climate change and that their plan is mostly bullshit?
And why couldn’t my ex-work colleague admit they had created enormous harm?
Looking for an answer, I come back to something my wife constantly reminds me of: ”You need to remember that most people are dicks.”
Maybe she is right. I hope not.
No most people are decent humans going about their business, doing the best they can. Its just that the dicks get the most airtime and are running the country (into the ground!)
I think that your conclusion is rather over optimistic Beth. If “most people are decent human beings” then why is it that we have the politicians that we do (with the exception of a few, such as Andrew Wilkie), the kind of economic system that we do (that is, one that promotes greed, avarice and selfishness) and so many problems with drug and alcohol abuse, family violence and gambling addiction? Why, also is it, that the highest rating radio and television programs are so full on inane drivel?
If this is the best that “decent human beings” are capable of producing Beth, then I am seriously worried.
The causes of our dysfunctional political and economic situation is deeply buried within many layers of ostensibly “reasonable” explanation. That is, while a root cause analysis of Why Things Are This Way would be very complex, probably too complex for a mug punter like m,e to present in a quick comment to a mug punter like you, I think it starts with “neoliberalism”.
Yep, when we have a society based on individualism, selfishness and greed, why are we surprised when individuals who excel in those characteristics are valued, promoted and put in charge?
Its a good point Robert, I definitely think we are not well led and that people would respond to higher ideals if they weren’t always being instructed that “they deserve better” and “you’re worth it” and “its not your fault” and ooh look the enemy trying to take away your utes/jobs/electricity etc! But if you stopped to chat to the majority they would just be trying to get along, make something of their life and often look after their families. Ok these are major generalisations not backed up with peer reviewed research papers 🙂 but I feel them to be true. I am member of a number of community groups trying to save our patches and many people out there do care very deeply for each other and the environment! You know that saying of course about anyone who wants to lead shouldn’t be allowed to or however it goes! 🙂
You make some great points there too Beth. I would not argue with them. My post was not based on any peer-reviewed research either, just on empirical observation and of course, they were generalizations also. Your point about the activity of community groups is very relevant.
I believe the answer to that is that people have no real power to enact change. I remember an episode of South Park back in the time of the bush v gore election. In this episode which was about an election, one candidate was a “turd” and the other candidate was a “douchebag”.
Liberal democratic politics is firmly in this place. Decades of a gamed system have broken the system.
I was never a fan of South Park Tony, but it seems that the episode you are talking about could have easily been a reference to Australian politics with the LNP/ALP ‘choice’ which is only marginally better than the Democrat/Republican ‘choice’ in America. Although, as I have always maintained, the Republicans in America are so despicable that they do make even the Libs here look ‘better’ (for the want of a better word).
Certainly some are. I’ve always imagined that it isn’t “most”, but for the last couple of years I’ve had immense trouble squaring that view with the outcome of the last federal election. Can’t think of any other explanation…
I don’t think most people are dicks but I think a lot of people are incapable of critical thinking, and therefore are easily conned by fraudulent politicians.
That makes them ‘dicks’ in my view.
Thanks Daniel.
About the time that Scott Morrison resigned from being State Director of the NSW Liberal Party in 2004 to take up the sincure of Managing Director of Tourism Australia, ABC Radio’s Background Briefing broadcast a program entitled “Psychopaths in Suits” (https://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/backgroundbriefing/psychopaths-in-suits/3411806).
Who could that beeeeeeeeeeeeeee?!
The Puppetmaster leading our country
Muppet-in-chief
Related, as observed with self appointed Covid, medical and health science ‘experts’ outside of actual expertise, suggests Dunning Kruger effect but more so like psychopathy is NPD Narcissistic Personality Disorder, five basic traits:
Further, as bad, is how political PR and media praises and platforms part of the electorate whereby voters themselves suffer similar round nationalism with strong libertarian underpinnings of one’s personal ‘freedom & liberty’; described in academia as ‘collective narcissism’ as witnessed in UK round Brexit, Hungary also, in creating native ‘exceptionalism’.
David thanks for the follow up. I will use the 4 point diagnosis going fwd!
The ‘dicks’ currently ruling (not governing) this country use ‘confrontation’ as a weapon because it is the only tool they have. Most decent people are reluctant to use ‘confrontation’ as the first and only tactic because they realise some form of negotiation is the better long-term approach for all involved if whatever relationship you have with each other (personal and/or business) needs to survive. We all need to learn ASAP that confrontation as a ‘dumb and shifty’ tactic being used by a ‘dicks’ because they have no other personal skills. The voting public only gets to say ‘No’ every 3 years or so, and I won’t miss my chance!