Shortly before Scott Morrison yesterday became the first former Australian prime minister to be censured by Parliament, condemned for secretly appointing himself to several ministries over the course of the COVID era, he rose to defend himself.
His speech treated us to one last flurry, one last cavalcade, one last embarrassment of pure, uncut Morrisonia.
The non-apology
Morrison, of course, is far from the first politician to offer an “apology” so riddled with caveats and qualifiers as to resemble a quaking Jenga tower, but he may have perfected the art by reducing his hoarding of state power, kept secret from his constituents and colleagues, to a matter of personal offence — a faux pas on the level of forgetting a colleague’s birthday. Naturally, the word “but” splits the whole thing down the centre:
I acknowledge that non-disclosure of arrangements has caused unintentional offence and extend an apology to those who were offended.
But Mr Speaker, I do not apologise for taking action, especially prudent redundancy action, in a national crisis in order to save lives and to save livelihoods.
Self-aggrandisement
It may surprise you to hear this of the guy who once claimed it was “God’s will” that he one day become prime minister, and who soared into office in 2019 on the back of a divine eagle — not to mention keeping a trophy with his three-word paean to Australia’s collective inhumanity carved into silver in his office — but Morrison got a touch grand in defending his time in office.
Sure, I’m guilty, he said — if being a hero who saved Australia is a crime. If that’s the case then lock me up:
I am proud of my achievements in this place, and I am proud of my government, Mr Speaker. I am proud, Mr Speaker, [that] at a time of extreme trial, my government stood up and faced the abyss of uncertainty that our country looked into and the coercion of a regional bully and saw Australia through the storm.
Australia emerged stronger under my government. I have no intention now of submitting to the political intimidation of this government, using its numbers in this place to impose its retribution on a political opponent.
You should have asked
Finally, the apotheosis of the speech and a synecdoche of the whole strange, shambolic Morrison era — the shrugging abrogation of responsibility, the faint irritation at having to explain himself, and most of all, the dishonesty he had to know would be exposed:
Had I been asked about these matters at the time at the numerous press conferences I held, I would have responded truthfully about the arrangements I had put in place.
It didn’t matter that this would require the press to ask him about a very specific and unprecedented series of arrangements that were being done in secret. Or that his office was famously dismissive of questions it didn’t like. Or that it clanged up against his previous assertion that he kept the ministers concerned in the dark because he didn’t want them to second guess themselves, itself contradicted by his contention he believed the arrangements were to be made public via the gazette. Or that he had, when asked about immigration matters just before the last election and a year after making himself the minister for immigration, quite literally said, “Well, I’m not the minister.” It’s not his fault no one asked.
It was every thread of Morrison as PM knotted together into one moment, reminiscent of when Morrison was asked to “categorically” deny backgrounding against staffer Brittany Higgins and her partner, and managed nothing better than equivocation, the lying about a “Labor lie” about his own lies on electric vehicles, and so many others.
Surely this is the last time we’ll get this — it’s inconceivable Morrison will get anywhere near power again before he quits Parliament. And while there will no doubt be more stray revelations when his colleagues write memoirs to finish the distancing job that’s already well underway via the papers and the pages of the latest Niki Savva, surely (surely) none will require a lengthy speech or press conference.
So if you enjoy Morrison’s distinct combination of evasion and self-pity, savour this masterclass, this final trapeze act before the tents are collapsed and the circus leaves town.
Either he actually believes this stuff, which would suggest a delusional state of mind, or he doesn’t believe it, which would seem to indicate sociopathic tendencies.
Or both.
Exactly. Depends on his vibe on any given day.
Either way, there is a strong argument that candidates for political office should probably be compelled to have some sort of psychological assessment to determine their fitness for office.
After all, politicians can have a profound influence on our lives and should be deemed competent to fulfil their political duties.
Of course it could be argued that such a move could undermine democracy.
Well it seems to me that delusion or sociopathy need some sort of constraint on them.
Profound influence..!! This rotten carbuncle on the body politic poisoned the wellbeing of millions of us..!!
I agree and stand in admiration of your restraint in listing only his better points…
If you look even briefly at the rise of Morrison, it’s pretty obvious that he was vetted not only at the get-go, but also for the entirety of his tenure, and was considered excellent material for the job, the outstanding question is, who did the vetting? – and who still has vetting rights over most of remaining crew of the good ship Libby Pop, as they stand on the poop deck, watching the bowsprit sinking beneath the waves.
His CV showed many personality defects , not the least being his sacking from two government tourist organisations and his achievement of his initial preselection. Most was in semi public view , and no scrutiny by the media or the Liberal Party
Indeed, his behaviour as PM was entirely in keeping with his behaviour in his earlier jobs. That the Liberal Party attached no importance to that reflects very badly on heir candidate vetting and selection – a tradition they continue to observe.
John Howard had scrutinised and sacked him from the Australian Tourism job and so was totally aware of Morrison’s character.
Also well aware of his ethics and lack of morals so similar to his own.
Let’s face it you can’t be a politician in the LNP and be squeaky clean – you just wouldn’t fit in.
Liberal Party pre-requisites.
I’m suggesting something more formal and binding than whether a candidate’s local branch or people of like mind think that the person is a ‘good bloke’ or a ‘good woman’.
If psychometric tests are good enough for intending police and correctional officers, they’re good enough for political candidates.
When you have people fulsome in their praise of the likes of Pauline Hanson and Malcolm Roberts, in spite of the overwhelming evidence that these two people should have no place in politics, it seems fairly obvious that many people need protection from themselves.
In an ideal world, yes, but being an accomplished pathological liar is probably useful for political office.
The other problem is that some tests are not good at detecting the worst pathology. Eg, I understand that pathological liars are often not detected by lie detector tests because they feel no discomfort when lying and don’t show the small autonomic stress reactions that the lie detector relies on.
Well constructed tests have validity scales e.g. positive impression management which detect the degree to which a person portrays themselves in an overly positive light/warning/warning
But they’re not foolproof, and I’ve seen too many occasions over the years of test results clashing with reality.
Morrison doesn’t believe in, or care about anything, except himself. Everything he says is purely to serve the purpose of getting what he wants at that particular moment. He’s the ultimate salesman – and a figment of his own imagination
Now that is an interesting observation re being a figment of his own imagination
This lying, incompetent, arrogant, delusional loser is only hanging in there, continuing with his lies because no one else will give him a job, and he’s collecting $250k of our taxpayer dollars instead. We’re mugs to keep paying this mug to sit and smirk from the back bench. Cook voters where are you? What’s this arrogant narcisisist doing for you?
i am the sad position of watching someone close to me deal with an ex-partner who is, it has been revealed, a sociopathic narcissist – the commonalities between this utter b@stard and Scummo are overwhelming
I was married to one just like him. It’s said you have to have a good memory to be a competent liar, living with a pathalogical liar, though horribly frustrating as they lie about the last lie, it definitely increases one’s ability to spot one a mike off.
If this hero told me the time I would immediately check my watch.
If he shook my hand, I’d check my watch too – to make sure it was still there
The walking, talking definition of chutzpah.