Rather than a dry-as-dust legal document in response to the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission’s charges of knowingly selling tickets to cancelled “ghost flights”, Qantas has surprised us all with a spirited, breezy “Five Fun Facts You Didn’t Know”-style defence in the Federal Court backed up with a fun FAQ.
Here’s a quick guide to this amazing trivia we bet you didn’t know when you bought a ticket for your Qantas flight.
Fun fact 1: You did not buy a ticket for your flight!
You may think you bought a ticket for a flight. You may have received from Qantas a ticket for a flight. But the “service” that Qantas supplies is not carriage on any “particular flight” but rather a bundle of rights. Yes, hope you sought legal advice before clicking “buy” on the Qantas site, and don’t leave your lawyer at home when you travel, because what you actually purchased was a vague set of contractual obligations that are pretty much unrelated to what you think you bought.
“While Qantas will do its best to get consumers where they want to be on time, it does not guarantee particular flight times or its flight schedules.” In fact, we don’t even promise to make “reasonable endeavours to operate any particular flight”.
Fun fact 2: We won’t upset you by telling you we cancelled your flight!
So that flight you thought you bought a ticket on? Turns out we cancelled it. Yeah, we cancelled it even before we sold you your nebulous bundle of contractual obligations. But we didn’t tell you because we didn’t want to upset you! If we’d told people their flights nebulous bundle of contractual obligations had been cancelled, “we believe this would have resulted in a significantly more frustrating customer experience. If we had sent texts to thousands of customers a week saying their flight had been cancelled and we would get back to them on their alternative flight options, we would have created a lot of needless uncertainty for those customers.”
We know what’s best for you and your travel plans, thanks — not that you can legally rely on us for your travel plans.
Fun fact 3: That ‘Manage Booking’ thing is a kind of in-joke, not a useful tool for you
Heh heh. So, you know those “close doors” buttons in elevators that don’t work? Or the pedestrian crossing buttons that don’t do anything? That’s kinda what our “Manage Booking” feature is.
“Qantas did not represent to consumers that the ‘Manage Booking’ page would, at all times, necessarily reflect the latest scheduling decisions that Qantas had made.”
So when we cancel your flight nebulous bundle of contractual obligations, we left it on our website so you could have fun pretending to manage details like booking a seat or ordering a meal. None of it had an actual result, but we like to think it made you feel better while you did it. Yet again, we’re thinking of you!
Fun fact 4: Our IT systems are shit, but luckily we can still take your money!
Turns out we were so rubbish that we overloaded our own systems… Oops! Yes, we were cancelling so many flights nebulous bundles of contractual obligations that “system limitations” meant we couldn’t actually take flights off our site. Nothing to do with earning interest on your money while we held it for the days, weeks and months before handing it back to you, or so we could hoard airports slots to prevent competitors from offering their flights. No, we were just so bad our IT system couldn’t hack it.
Fortunately, however, our IT system was still working sufficiently well to take your money when you booked that “flight” you thought you were booking. So don’t worry, the important part of the system was working just fine.
Fun fact 5: Our awful workers are to blame, yet again
Qantas is the real victim here. As happened so often when the corporate genius of the age, Alan Joyce, was in charge, Qantas was hit hard by bad luck, bad customers and bad workers. It wasn’t our fault that we illegally sacked 1,700 workers — that was a sound commercial decision. It wasn’t our fault that there were huge delays when we restarted services after the pandemic — customers weren’t “match fit”! It wasn’t our fault that we routinely cancelled nebulous bundles of obligations and sprayed your luggage all across the country. And it wasn’t our fault that we left all those cancelled “flights” on sale.
“Some of the longer delays were due to human error and process failures.” Yep, our bloody workers! Sigh. But rest assured we’re closely examining sacking them and outsourcing their jobs.
So you may think we have been caught red-handed flogging ghost flights, full well knowing they were never going to fly, misleading customers and ruining the travel plans of thousands of people who relied on us. But that’s on you if you were silly enough to think you were actually booking a flight, or that we were even promising to do our best to operate that flight. And if you’re dumb enough to think you know better than us about when we should tell you we’ve ruined your holiday, more fool you. Don’t like it? Fuck you and fly with someone else.
Has Qantas blown its last chance for you? Let us know by writing to letters@crikey.com.au. Please include your full name to be considered for publication. We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity.
Neoliberalism got started after the 1973 Oil Crises hit the over regulated stultified western economies operating at the time which resulted in stagflation. For a while neoliberlism was a change for the better for most people.
However, the difference between a medicine and a poison is the dose. We have now reached a point where we have gone from the strangling regulation of the mid 1970s to the current deregulated dystopia where no holds barred business tactics and bullsh!t fuelled managerialism has been permitted to run roughshod over everyone except the top few percent.
Qantas provides a perfect example of how the pendulum has stung too far. It is time to find a path back to the sensible center. There is no longer any doubt Capitalism is the most effective economic system for generating wealth, however it is also true that under regulated capitalism leads to economic and social instability and eventual collapse.
For the benefit of society and the preservation of the capitalist system itself we need to start acting in accordance with the idea that we live in an environment and a society that has an economy rather than, as is currently the case – at least for most politicians, primarily in an economy.
Nicely expressed and cogently laid out.
Had I not already been of similar opinion I might now be so inclined.
Yep check out who got the contact aka who and what got economic enrichment and let’s remove the ol corporate veil ; no accident ASIC and Charity Australia have nade it harder to ascert free basic corporate histories
sic contact; contract
Yeah, nah – the ‘sensible’ centre holds that if capitalism can be held in check, then everything’s fine. There are some problems with that…
First, it can’t be kept in check – the ravening ghouls who sit at the top of that toxic system of exploitation can’t abide democracy, and use their considerable power to erode it to the extent of their ability. The tattered snot-rag which passes for the social contract these days can attest to that.
But mainly, capitalism is a system in which priceless assets like biodiversity and functioning ecosystems, let alone human rights, have no value.
Consider all the horrific things which happen because there’s a buck to made by it, and all the desperately necessary things which don’t because there isn’t. As long as we continue to subscribe to this insane paradigm (based on a false and nasty conception of human nature, by the way), our tragic excuse for a civilisation is imminently doomed.
By the way, it increasingly seems that not only do most politicians imagine they don’t live in an environment or a society, but also an economy; the brazen corruption, particularly from the LNP, who are also keen on vicious partisanship, is wantonly destructive to our economy.
There is never going to be an ‘everything’s fine’ political system.
Instead the best that can be hoped for is adoption of the least worst alternatives.
Roosevelt’s ‘New Deal’ government is an example of how an unstable predatory capitalist economy was turned back towards the center in 1930s USA. At the same time Germany went with an alternative strategy and the USSR doubled down on its alternative approach. So far, despite its many shortcomings, regulated capitalism is miles ahead.
The key point is our political system needs a tune up rather than a blow up.
Roosevelt’s government freaked out the elite so hard they came up with the Business Plot; a plan to enact a fascist coup… thankfully they approached the wrong guy to lead it.
As long as we use money to keep score, the system will breed such scumbags.
The Corporate Establishment simply hated all Roosevelts . They were still mad at Theodore Roosevelt (1901-09) from his efforts to break the monopolies , ensure that Workers could be in Unions and regulate key industries . When FDR became President and created The “New Deal” , their hatred went “next level “.
Well said? Totally agree.
The Legend in his own Lunchtime, Morrison from Marketing, stated exactly that: ‘We are living in an Economy’. It does feel like it most of the time having it jammed down our throats and needing to know interest and inflation rates every minute of the day. You want to get rich and elevate your social standing, right ? Get enthralled with Hyper-capitalism!
Time for a new ‘ism that has a lot of Socialism thrown into the Capitalism mix. We urgently need a Separation of State. Not from religion this time, but from the cabal of our Governments and Business that has developed.
Think neo-liberalism is too polite, but more corrupt corporate authoritarianism, with brazenness, by passing of ethical behaviour and regulations, if they do exist for them?
Roots are ‘segregation’ or ‘planter’ economics of the UK colonisation and US deep south via fossil fueled Koch dec. muse James Buchanan, long game of avoiding regulation and constraints eg. climate science while promoting low taxes, low spending and small/no government.
See The Atlantic July/August 2017 ‘The Architect of the Radical Right: How the Nobel Prize–winning economist James M. Buchanan shaped today’s anti-government politics’ By Sam Tanenhaus
Think John Birch Society, Tea Party, Freedom Rallies etc.
Tony Abbott called it ‘red tape reduction’ – the removal of regulation that was apparently stifling the creation of wealth (the trickle-down kind). Conservative governments in Australia pursued it relentlessly during their nine years of power.
“ Red Tape” was a descriptor for the British Indian Civil Service . Apparently , they bound their exhaustive files in red tape . Before the imposition of the Indian Civil Service , India was run by the fully privatised East India Company . Less “ red tape “ for sure but way more Corruption and exploitation leading to The Indian Mutiny in 1857 . Abbott screaming about “less red tape” is just just Abbott fantasising about a modern version of an East India Company , a Privatised Nation State run by unaccountable Corporate Elites .
In fact the flying kangaroo doesn’t give a flying ****.
he he he good one!
unless its shareholder/ board members’ dividends or bonus sums
Love it!
Qantas is not the only local carrier selling flights that have already been cancelled. I got caught up in one of these where I had to settle with the incredibly inconvenient backup flight offered instead. There was no way for me to simply cancel and book alternate transport, because there was a $500 charge for me to “cancel” the alternative to the flight they had cancelled without penalty. Any appeal and refund process takes at least 2-3 months since they write the terms.
We need better consumer protections that work in near real-time.
Consider also the ridiculousness of an international carrier not refunding part of a flight cost assigned to airport landing taxes. This would be for a (far) future flight so the tax has not been incurred, and they would almost certainly be selling the seat. So the airline double-dips.
We need better consumer protections that work in near real-time.
+1,000
Jesus Christ, Is there no-one in Qantas who can see how badly its corporate double-speak plays with the public? This nonsense is pure social media fodder.
A following thought… Qantas strongly gives me the impression of that type of librarian who regards their library as perfect – if it wasn’t for all the annoying people cluttering it up, by trying to use it.
I’ve worked in two libraries as a researcher. I spent too much time trying to explain to the librarians that the point of cataloguing and shelving all those monographs and serials was so that people like me could retrieve information to learn from it and use it. Admittedly, that was in the days when computers were great clunking things housed in basements.
none are probs even interested ; all using ChatBot managment via third party kick backs ill bet and as if they care or as if they are even aware
I am hoping this double-speak plays really badly with the Federal Court.
If ever we needed proof that management of Qantas has not changed and will not change, this is it.
It’s not the public they’re trying to hoodwink with those words, it’s the ACCC. That might be easier.
I’m sure someone of a slightly lower status than Jesus is capable of answering the question.
I am still gasping at the sheer bald-faced effrontery of this. I currently have two trips overseas booked after six years of travelling hiatus. None of it involves Qantas.
I have to book flights soon to travel overseas and I’m seriously considering buying them direct from the US carrier rather than from Qantas. It’s been 12 years since I’ve last travelled overseas and I’m not a seasoned traveller at all. The carrier does have an agreement with Qantas but still, I can buy the flights from them rather than from Qantas. If you have better advice, I wouldn’t mind knowing, thanks.