Jim Chalmers Labor light on the hill
Treasurer Jim Chalmers (Image: AAP/Mick Tsikas)

BALANCING THE BOOKS

The Albanese government is gearing up for an October budget, but the “trillion dollars of debt” (remember that line?) inherited from the Coalition government ain’t likely to go away. The Australian ($) writes that spending has “ballooned to its highest share of the economy in history” and expects the government will spend more come October. It says taxpayers are “bearing an increasingly heavy burden” for investments in the “NDIS, aged care, healthcare, childcare and defence”. The AFR ($) reports that tax payments could outpace the former Coalition government’s tax cap due to an influx of funds following record mining and energy profits and a jobs boom. If estimates are correct, the federal tax bounty would trump the 2007-08 high of 23.7% of GDP (courtesy of the Howard era mining boom). Small difference: the federal budget looked a little different then from what it does now. In short, the surplus has soured.

The government is not the only one with big bills to pay. The debt burden of students is on the rise Guardian Australia reports. Data from the Australian Taxation Office reveals a total of 2.9 million Australians have pulled funds from the federal government’s $68.7 billion Higher Education Loan Program kitty, with 1.3 million owing $20,000-plus. That’s 25% more than in 2005. The bigger the loan, the less likely the bank will help with another loan.

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LAST HURRAHS

It’s the pointy end of the season across the sporting spectrum. This weekend finals hopes were realised (and dashed), jerseys were traded in for a little more sparkle, and the greatest athlete of all — Qantas — overexerted itself. The embattled airline was forced to ground a planeload of football royalty after the crew detected fumes inside the cabin, the AFR ($) reports. Benched again. From the backbench, former PM Scott Morrison will no doubt be devastated that his beloved Cronulla Sharks were knocked out of the finals following a blistering defeat by the South Sydney Rabbitohs. In the AFL, the Sydney Swans beat Collingwood in a nail-biting victory. Carlton captain Patrick Cripps “pulled off a miracle” to take home the 2022 Brownlow Medal says 7News, sneaking in right on the dotted line to defeat Brisbane Lions star Lachie Neale. As The Australian ($) wrote “Neale has had a dirty 48 hours” (annihilated by Geelong in the other semi-final).

Off the field and on the track (all 42 kilometres of it), Kenyan athlete Moses Kibet won the Sydney marathon in a record time (on Australian soil) of two hours, seven minutes and three seconds, the SMH ($) reports. Ethiopian Tigist Girma Getachew was the fastest female at two hours, 25 minutes and 10 seconds. She could run seven marathons while a bereaved Briton waits in line to see the queen lying in a stationary state.

UNDER THE WEATHER

Natural disasters and climate-induced weather are wreaking havoc across the Asia-Pacific. Seismic activity in Taiwan saw a 6.4 followed by a 6.8 magnitude earthquake shake the island, Reuters reports. One person was killed and the damage to infrastructure has been significant, according to Taiwan’s Central News Agency. The island and neighbouring nation Japan remain on wave watch. In Japan, tsunami warnings come hand in hand with a rare “special warning” from the Japan Meteorological Agency over typhoon Nanmadol which made landfall in south-western Japan on Sunday evening. The storm unleashed winds of up to 234km/h and has already drenched parts of the country — 500mm of rain in less than 24 hours The Japan Times reports.

It’s “climate carnage” in Pakistan as the country continues to grapple with floods that engulfed a third of the country, Crikey reports. Back home, “major flooding” alerts were issued in Victoria and NSW at the weekend, with NSW and Victorian SES directing communities to stay informed, move to higher ground, or evacuate. Melbourne even experienced a tiny tremor of magnitude 2.4, says the ABC.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE

A team of Japanese industrial designers managed to unlock the answer to a “problem that no one cares about”: turning big doorknobs requires more of a whole-of-hand approach than turning small doorknobs. The team’s contribution to science was celebrated alongside nine others at this year’s “not quite Nobel” Ig Nobel awards, a prestigious prize for certifiably silly science that “first makes you laugh, then makes you think”. Standard procedure is for “genuine (and genuinely bemused)” Nobel Laureates to present the Ig Nobel awards in front of 1100 “splendidly eccentric spectators” at Harvard University. But sadly the pomp and pageantry of the 32nd first annual ceremony took place exclusively online. The brightest brains in the business of duck formations and legal illegibility settled for a webcast.

The prize has been running since 1991 courtesy of Improbable Research, but its legacy traces back to the 1950s Journal of Irreproducible Results. Notable contributions include a study on the inheritance pattern of death. A simple family tree shows it’s genetic. The great phenomenon of time carried into the Ig Nobel awards. In 2009, the public health prize was awarded to a US team that invented a bra that doubled as a set of face masks. In bra form, the apparatus was “comfortable” and “cushioned”. In PPE mode, it mimicked an N95, was custom fit, and reusable. Thirteen years later, these perks are much less of a joke. For the knobs, it took the scientific community 23 years to get a handle on the study, The Guardian reports. By that time researcher Professor Gen Matsuzaki had already moved on to bigger and better things: bag handles and umbrella grips. 

Hoping you open a few doors of your own this week, folks.

SAY WHAT?

Parties encourage you to vote [on] brand, and you get dudded when you do. Politicians aren’t on your side; they’re not your mate.

Jacqui Lambie

The Tasmanian senator had much to say about the “stupid” state of the Canberra “business model” when she took to the podium at the Festival of Dangerous Ideas at the weekend. She pointed to mainstream parties with “no life experience” ruling the roost and “killing” the country. Lambie is the first politician ever to front the festival.

CRIKEY RECAP

The BBC is live-streaming the queen’s coffin? Here are some alternative continuous webcams

Sep 16, 2022

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“The public broadcaster said the stream is ‘for those who want to pay their respects, but who cannot come to London, or who are physically unable to queue’. Touching. And practical, given that the line to view the coffin is, at the time of writing, 4.9 miles long. That’s just shy of eight kilometres. Oof.

“It’s actually quite mesmerising, looking into grand Westminster Hall where the coffin, draped in royal standard flag, is standing on a catafalque, guarded by three types of guards (sovereign’s bodyguard, household cavalry and foot guards) whose tour of duty lasts six hours. Mourners shuffle past, some just looking at the coffin, others bowing respectfully, all looking far too calm for people who just spent nine hours in a queue — but I guess that’s the British for you.”

‘A wicked problem for the government’: could more subs solve the AUKUS shemozzle?

Sep 16, 2022

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“A year ago AUKUS played into Labor’s political messaging that Scott Morrison was the ‘all announcement, no detail’ prime minister. ‘You do a public announcement and you message that you’re going to get nuclear subs, but actually you’ve not made any decisions, other than to consult about it and to cancel a contract,’ Labor Senator Penny Wong said.

“That’s not entirely fair. Morrison’s officials managed to have the US open the door for Australia to have access to its nuclear secrets, joining the UK. But now it’s Labor’s problem. So what is it going to do?”

Fighting for the right to silence, and its privilege

Sep 16, 2022

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“But if we’re not quite at Blade Runner yet, that constant pressure to turn everywhere we gaze, and every sonic environment we’re in, into a contest to manipulate and monetise our attention is steadily degrading our quality of life. Pity the poor consumer who can’t board a bus without being advertised to, can’t wait for a train without being berated by Sky News, can’t fill their car up without enduring content from that innovation that surely represents the crowning glory of human scientific advance, a petrol bowser ad screen.

“And much of life outside the home is now based on that line from Twin Peaks about ‘there’s always music in the air’. Restaurants play fast, loud music in order to encourage diners to eat quickly and leave, turning over tables. Supermarkets have abandoned the stifling drone of muzak for in-house radio stations playing the hits of the ’50s, ’60s, ’70s, ’80s, ’90s, 2000s, 2010s and today, because they claim to want customers ‘dancing in the aisles’. Medical waiting rooms inflict local radio stations on you. Many shops insist on inflicting music on you (I still recall a running shoe shop in Salzburg that was pumping out dance music from a DJ in the front window, prompting a passing young American to observe: ‘This must be the douchiest shop in Austria’).”

READ ALL ABOUT IT

Mahsa Amini: dozens injured in Iran protests after death in custody (The Guardian)

West sees Xi and Modi critique of Putin as shift in view of Ukraine war (Financial Times)

Biden warns Russia, facing losses, against using unconventional weapons (The New York Times)

Beijing-backed Chinese language schools in UK to be replaced with teachers from Taiwan (The Guardian)

‘Shameful’: UN denounces exclusion of Afghan girls from school (Al Jazeera)

Arrests in Belgrade after police clash with protesters at EuroPride gathering (SBS)

THE COMMENTARIAT

After Queen Elizabeth II’s death, Indigenous Australia can’t be expected to shut up. Our sorry business is without end – Stan Grant (ABC): “I have watched as others have worn black and reported on this historic event, participated in this ritual mourning. And knowing I cannot. They come to this with no conflict. I cannot. My colleagues can extol the queen’s undoubted and admirable devotion to duty. They can lament the passing of ‘everyone’s grandmother’.

“My thoughts have been on my grandmother. My people have a word, Yindyamarra — its meaning escapes English translation. It is a philosophy — a way of living — grounded in a deep respect. I have sought to show Yindyamarra to those for whom this moment is profound. This is their ‘sorry business’ and I respect that. But it will pass. For Indigenous people, our sorry business is without end.”

Why stage three tax cuts should be here to stay – Andrew Bragg (The AFR): “Misguided Greens and independents are urging Treasurer Jim Chalmers to drop the stage three tax cuts that were legislated by the former Coalition government. A seemingly innumerate statement from independent MP Monique Ryan says it all about this debate. Ryan has said: ‘Anything that’s going to give $243 billion to top-income earners over our society is inadvisable.’

“The last time I looked, a carpenter on $66,000 or a midwife on $78,000 were not ‘top income earners’. It would be a huge mistake to let Ryan and co have their way.

“The reversal of what has already been legislated with the support of the Labor Party and removal of stage three tax cuts would result in significant tax increases for millions of middle-income Australians.”

WHAT’S ON TODAY

Nationwide

  • The world will bid farewell to the queen with a state funeral at Westminster Abbey. Pending her coffin leaves the Palace of Westminster as scheduled at 7.44pm, the service will commence at 7.52pm AEST. You can tune in anywhere and everywhere.

  • Dementia Action Week begins today. The campaign aims to dash “prevailing misconceptions” and discrimination directed towards those diagnosed with dementia.

Turrbal and Jagera/Yuggera Country (also known as Brisbane)

Eora Nation Country (also known as Sydney)

Whadjuk Nyoongar Country (also known as Perth)

  • Public hearings for the disability royal commission will be held today (and throughout this week) on conditions of detention in the criminal justice system.

Kulin Nation Country (also known as Melbourne)

  • The second round of Wheeler Centre Hot Desk Fellows will share their writing at the Moat bar for this month’s edition of The Next Big Thing.