To: Duncan Fletcher, England Cricket Coach
Cc: a.giles@ecb.co.uk; marto@hawaiihilton.com
Subject: the bleeding obvious

Dear Duncan,

First, let me say: long-time admirer, first-time emailer. Love the accent.

Just thought I’d drop you a line on the off-chance that you saw the cricket match yesterday. Thought you might have forgotten to show up, as going by your Adelaide team selections it appears you were distracted there by the ecclesiastic architecture and floral displays.

If you were down at Scarborough yesterday morning enjoying a sly constitutional and some organic humus from one of the cracking health food stalls, you might have missed something interesting. You see, it turns out Monty Panesar can bowl. Seriously, 5 for 92. Get the paper, it’s all over the place.

Sure, he’s been bowling up a streak throughout the northern summer, but I think you were wise to hold Monty back until you were two-nil down coming into the traditional spinner’s paradise in Perth. Sticking with old Gilo on the real turner in Adelaide certainly did the trick, although you may have missed that while touring its many parks and scenic beauty spots. Never mind: maybe give Graham Thorpe a call to fill you in. He seems to have been watching.

Oh, and while we’re here, it also appears that Steve Harmison can bowl. I know, we were as surprised as you, but he really can.

But listen, I was writing to ask something specific: do you have Damien Martyn’s number? I’ve got an email address here from one or two of his ex-teammates, but I figure you’re a better chance than the Australians, who have only narrowed his location down as far as the mid-Pacific. Even then, that took John Buchanan most of the day teaching himself how to use Google Earth on that laptop of his.

Marto would have loved to see Mike Hussey pick up Australia’s top score of 74 in his old number 4 slot in front of a big Perth crowd. Marto was great that way. I wonder if they get the cricket in Maui?

Best wishes,

Mat.

P.S. If you’re looking for the ground in the morning, ask John Buchanan. He’s really getting the hang of that Google thing.