Last night I realised something, I have too many friends. Not real, tangible, physical friends, but Facebook friends.
Five hundred and eighty seven. It looks even bigger spelled out. I’m sure most of them don’t even consider me their friend. I know I don’t. How did I accumulate these people? I’ve figured most fit into three categories: met through education, met once drinking or at an event or former friends who I haven’t spoken to in yonks.
So, pah! I’m going to go through my Facebook and delete everyone I wouldn’t call a “friend”, I decided, because I want my Facebook friends to line up with my real friends.
Crikey readers, I propose tonight you should go home and do a cull. Be ruthless and ask yourselves the following questions as you stare at the person’s profile picture:
If I walked past this person in the street, would I stare intently at my phone/book/feet or stop and say “Hi”? If your answer is the former, delete.
Do I want this person trawling through my Facebook profile — pictures, posts and all? If not, either take off inappropriate information you don’t really want some people to see, adjust your privacy settings or press that X button.
If I delete this person, will they notice? Trust me, you don’t want them to. I once deleted an ex-acquaintance from volunteering who had my mobile number and proceeded to send me a text message that night. It read something along the lines of: “I know we used to be Facebook friends. And now we are not. If you wanted to hurt my feelings, bingo.” Personally, I thought that was a bit strong for someone I had met only once, so Facebook friending them was probably a bad idea in the first place.
Unlike ordinary friends, Facebook friends can be calculated and decided by both involved without a conversation. So instead of letting your status updates and photos go onto the news feeds of people you don’t really know, or like, cull, amp up the security and reclaim your internet-personal life.
I’ve done it. Not quite as many friends, but I reduced it to a third of what I had. I used the same formula – would I stop that person in the street to say hi? Would they give me a second glance? If not, gone.
I’ve also made the brave decision to delete all work-related colleagues who I don’t consider a personal friend. There was some tension – “While you were on holidays I wanted to send you a message but I noticed you’re not on my facebook anymore” – however, I managed to get out of it by saying friends bitchiness had gotten out of control so I limited it to family and very close friends only. It’s amazing how people who barely know you, take it so personally when you remove them from your facebook.
I urge everyone to do it. It’ll feel like a load has been taken off your shoulders and you no longer have to censor your every word!
How dreadfully sad for both of you or – get a life!
Better yet be fussy about who you ‘friend’ in the first place. Do you know them, for real and in person? If not, is the friend request comign with a recommendation from a real friend? for work people, have you been to their home, or they to yours? do you know their partners or their kids? if yes, then ‘friend’ by all means.
But sometimes you ‘friend’ someone just to be polite – a mate’s partner is a tough friend request to refuse. That’s where Facebook groups come in. Set up a group called “People I don’t really know”, give it no rights to see anything, and dump in their all the people you don’t really want to see your posts or anythign else about your life, romances and hangovers. Chances are they don’t really care about you that much anyway, won’t notice that your life isn’t clogging their newsfeed and you have avoided giving offence. And if it turns out you matter to them more than you thought, well they can still get in touch…
At the risk of being absolutely boring- grow up, try a mature approach to life.
The purpose of Facebook completely eludes me. Why can’t people simply have normal friends (you know what I mean, people with whom we socialised or communicated pre-Facebook)?
Facebook has rendered the word ‘friend’ meaningless.