There is a growing feeling that the media and communications branch in a certain national public service department is about to revolt. They are sick and tired of a particular cabinet minister’s press secretary who likes to rant, rave and complain almost daily. The usual complaints from this press sec are that the branch fail to spot an emerging media issue, tell them of a possible media story or that media releases are taking too long to draft. This person likes to shout and bark. The thing is that everybody likes the press sec’s boss who is quite an affable bloke. Who are these people, thinking they can tell everybody that they are not up to their standard? Something is about to blow.
I find it very funny that the Liberals in the West are banging on about how corrupt and incestuous Labor is, when their very own powerbroker and Education Spokesperson Peter Collier employs party hacks and the spouses of Members and candidates. Want proof? Check Pete’s website. Mr Collier employs northern suburbs powerbroker wannabee Colin Edwardes as a part time Research Officer. Besides being a loyal and happy member of Peter Colliers staff, Mr Edwardes is also a candidate for the Liberals in the North Metropolitan Region and the husband of former State Member and Court Government Minister, Cheryl Edwards. Besides old Colin, Mr Collier also employs Robyn Mischin, wife of his fellow North Metropolitan candidate Michael Mischin. Collier’s fellow powerbroker, Mathias Cormann employed until recently the wife of former Liberal State Director Mark Neeham. I wonder if this threatened the good State Director’s impartiality when he was trying to deal with the factional messes the Cormann and co create within the party. Cormann also employs a certain Simon Alison, a Young Liberal Vice President and a former student of Peter Collier when he taught at Scotch College. Gee, what an incestuous bunch are the WA Liberals…
A happy Computershare employee (apparently all Team Leaders and Managers are amongst those this was sent to)…
From: XXXXX XXXXXXXX
Sent: Friday, 15 August 2008 3:23 PM
To: XXXX XXXX; XXXX XXXX; XXXX XXXX; XXXX XXXX; XXXX XXXX; XXXX XXXX; XXXX XXXX; XXXX XXXX; XXXX XXXX; XXXX XXXX; XXXX XXXX;
Subject: Farewell!Dear Team,
You may know, today is my last day.
Over the past three years, I have learnt more than I could ever ask for, and it doesn’t just end at the training for the various skill sets I supposedly have or was scheduled to have but never got. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolute pearlers of TLs’, your ability to overlook the obvious is amazing.
My main source of pain was with the implementation of the CPU “Bonus Scheme” your demands became ridiculously high and our morale down-low, and let’s not forget the implementation of the allocated lunches and tea breaks — TOP NOTCH!
To most of the six managers that held position in TSG: the apples don’t fall far from the tree and you do reap what you sow. Good luck with that! But to those few souls with whom I’ve actually interacted (most of you have flewn the coop already), here are my personalized notes of farewell:
To XXXXX and XXXXXXX: I will always remember sharing lunch and any break we could manage just to keep each other sane whilst in these dungeon like confines, I will miss those water fights.
To the phantom bogger/s: I wont miss walking into a toilet cubicle never knowing what shape or sized brown gift I might find or where it would be placed — a toilet brush is your friend, use it!
To the late and great XXXX: Crazy has never been so funny and congrats on getting into the police academy!
To XXXXXX XXXX: A big, HUGE thanks!
To XXXXX: Don’t forget the stubbie holder.
and finally.
To XXXX: Pay, pay that child support! haha
So, in parting, I pass on a word of advice to any individual who wishes to fill my position, it would be to cherish this experience like a sponge and soak it up buttercup, because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.
Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.
Very truly yours,
XXXXX XXXXXXXX
Meanwhile, at the department of innovation, industry, science and research…
The ‘farewell’ letter has been circulated on email for some time, usually from a variety of companies… Not to say that it’s not a genuine email, but it is not an original one.
Spot on, Pattie T. It’s not unusual, though, to find such an obsessive controlling person intent on “improving” others while failing to inform him/herself. Yes, what a shambles he makes of our lovely language.
I know that what follows will make me seem like an annoying old pedant, but my dander is up and it has to be said: what both pieces of public service-originated correspondence published in Crikey today scream to me is how tragically loose a grasp these people have on even the basic tenets of English. Maybe the anonymous ‘fareweller’ was at a level in the public service where it might not be necessary to know that there is actually no such word as ‘flewn’ (the word you were grasping for, dear person, is flown) and the generally mangled language, punctuation and syntax would indicate that this was probably the case. Oh lord, I do hope so! I quail to think of this person initiating any prose that might have been seen by anyone outside his/her office pod.
But what are we to make of Mr Mark Patterson, Secretary Dept of innovation, Industry Science and Research. Is the capitalization yours, Mark, and the lack of punctuation? If so, mind telling us what logic there is to capitalizing ‘Department’ all through the document (as if it were some worshipful entity) but not ‘innovation’ in its title? And as for ‘consistent to’: an eccentric usage, I fear. But then we get to the real humdinger (leave the best to last, eh, Mark) with the triumph of ‘neither me nor my office’. Frankly, Mark, if I were you, I’d be worrying more about looking like an uneducated nong than about consistency in departmental email signature styles.
People, this does matter. Such sloppiness reflects badly on you, personally, and, ultimately, I suppose, on the education system that extruded you. And what does it say for public service selection and promotion processes? I thought one had to be reasonably adept with written English to get in, and perhaps a little better than that to get to the top. Remember that perennial old selection criterion ‘excellent communication skills’? HA! But maybe English isn’t a prerequisite anymore, in which case why not save the taxpayer a bundle by (a) outsourcing the duties of everyone like Mr Patterson to a Bangladeshi call centre and (b) ceasing to bother with the pretence of teaching English in schools.
Strewth, I reckon I read about that ‘bloke’ with the annoying press secretary last week in a certain broadsheet gossip column. But what if this ‘bloke’ has actually put the overworked passive aggressive staffer literally in the position they are in through the depressing effects of overwork? Does that make the good ‘bloke’ still good? Or a stock standard pollie manipulator standing on other people’s shoulders, even when they crack and topple in the blow back? Such is ambition eh Deputy PM?
Just like to say that that farewell email is 100% original. I have the original in my inbox, and I’m the one being congratulated on the Police academy.
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it Mr Dave !