Politics:

“I do not plan to challenge [party leader] now, or ever” – I don’t have the numbers

“Kim has my full support” – I haven’t got the numbers, yet
“She served his needs in a number of positions” – departing female advisor who he was having an affair with the president/PM
“The
minister has my full confidence” – he’s a disaster but the political
cost of sacking him would be worse than toughing it out
“The public has been fully consulted” – we have spent a sh*tload of taxpayers money advertising our decision
“You know you can count on my vote”– yours is the best offer so far
“You know I’ll vote for you and I’ll even show my ballot paper to your mate George” – George and I both plan to rat on you
“Thank you for your letter and your comments will receive my urgent attention” – go and get f*cked
“I have no intention of resigning” – Give him/her a week…
“Non-core promise” – lie
“Iron clad guarantee” – lie
“Never, ever” – next year
“Tax reform” – Cuts for the rich. The poor pay the same, or more
“Canberra” – government by politicians who do not represent or live in Canberra
“I think Mark would make a great PM” – I didn’t know he kept a diary
“Drastic action is required” – the electorate will forget this before next week
“This is a government priority” – we lost the file
“I was unaware of ” – I made sure I deleted all the emails I sent
“Iraq has WMD” – Iraq does not have WMD
“This war is not about oil” – this is an oil war
“WorkChoices will increase jobs” – at casual rates of $8/hr
“We had a full and frank exchange of views” – we told each other to f*ck off
“No decision has been made yet” – the decision has been made we just can’t tell you right now
”We’re conducting a full investigation” – to make you go away and hope you never ask about the result
“Mate” – ALP doublespeak for “about to be knived”
“Maaaaaate” – as above but the contract is out and time to pack the bags

Underworld:

“Racing identity” – shady gambler
“Colourful racing identity” –