Say what you want about 2018, it has been a bumper year for fans of high-profile politicians absolutely annihilating their personal and professional lives by being too horny.
After the media frenzy that followed Australia’s reddest son, Barnaby Joyce, leaving his wife to have a baby with former staffer Vikki Campion, we thought there would be little room for anything more. At the very least, you’d think the rest of the horny politicians would learn some discretion.
But that, of course, was in February, more than 1000 years ago, and when it comes to disappointing the electorate, the horny politician will not disappoint.
The brand of horniness that inspired Nationals MP Andrew Broad to try to seduce a “sugar baby” with the sort of language that could be classified as “war crime” is nothing new. Men of a certain stripe have always, when finding themselves in a position of any power, become senseless with horniness. Neither is it confined to politics, but elected office seemingly bestows a (completely misguided) sense of “untouchability”. They fight their way to the top and say, “Now that I’m in control of the system, I can finally destroy my marriage of 25 years and alienate my children for the remainder of our lives”.
This is the same horniness that inspires congressmen to throw away massively popular and promising careers for the chance to send a dick pic to a stranger online. It’s the same horniness that will inspire MPs to document themselves putting their junk into a glass of red wine — surely the most staggeringly horny manoeuvre ever conceived — without stopping to wonder what, on God’s earth, they’re doing.
Does it matter that the very inevitable leak of these acts would jeopardise every single thing they have ever worked for? Who gives a shit, it’s smoochin’ time! Thinkin’ time comes after — or never, preferably!
For some, the fall is anticipated, even expected. Many expected that Joyce, for example, would eventually fall prey to some kind of lascivious mishap — a horny Damocles, a sweaty Humpty Dumpty. What’s more, the public’s response seemed to lean towards Joyce’s being a “real man”, in the same vein as Italy’s Silvio Berlusconi — a sort of walking pub meal with an erection and a tendency to vote against migrants.
Broad, unfortunately, missed that particular window. While the scandal’s discrepancy with his “traditional family” chest-beating was particularly egregious, Broad is simply one of the least horny-looking men on planet Earth. He has the sex appeal of a neighbour who would contact the council if you left your bins out too long. That he would liken himself to James Bond is fitting, considering the inverse correlation between people who say they’re James Bond, and people with the qualities of James Bond.
And there, of course, lies the crux of it. That a seemingly unhorny politician would be revealed to be horny should not be disarming; it should be just as inevitable. Every man in parliament must be treated as such. The seamless government — democracy itself — will never be truly achieved until we have isolated them, and cut them out entirely. History has shown us, time and time again, that inside every successful statesman, is a horny statesman, just busting to get the wine glass out.
I think the medical term for this condition is “Weinervision”- when ‘the afflicted can only see the world out of the one eye’?
But re “Broadgate” and the flaccid leadership of McCormack – who knew about and did nothing for 2 months(?) : when did Deputy Bridget “6 Bore” McKenzie get the head’s-up?
“Broad is simply one of the least horny-looking men on planet Earth. He has the sex appeal of a neighbour who would contact the council if you left your bins out too long.” – Gold!!!
Of course you’re article is predicated on the assumption that there are non-horny power hungry men out there.
The problem is surely not MP horniness, or even lack thereof, but what they do with it … wineglasses notwithstanding, maybe a shot glass for some?
Them wot can, do whereas them wot can’t go to crazy extremes trying to demonstrate otherwise.
It’s safer just to assume that all men are capable of such stupidity, but some have developed the ability to intercede in their dick-thinking most of the time.
I said most of the time! I doubt that Broads wife will leave him but she should. This won’t be the last time for her. Thankfully we won’t here about it as he will no longer be a politician.
The above picture tells the story. A class of red wine. Has the writer been drinking?
For the umpteenth time there are allegations and there are facts. Just because there are allegations does not make them facts, Jack Vening.
What we have are salacious Mee Too women making allegations against men that mainly have been unsubstantiated. They are allegations and remain so.
Are you attacking Barnaby Joyce for falling out of love and falling in love again. You must be a Bible-bashing Christian who is unforgiving casting the first stone. There is nothing wrong in what Barnaby did, unless you are from the Far Far Right.
This article is subjective and incredible. What it proves is that anyone, anyone at all can write an article. Who would want to write rubbish like this? It seems Jack Vening does.
Margaret, the problem with Barny is hypocrisy, while preaching his self styled christian ethics to others he does not then practise what he preaches, imagine the screams and shrieks from the hard core self nominated christian conservatives if this was a labor politician, or god forbid Julia Gilliard, Paul Keating was hounded to death for owning a pig farm, so its only fair that politicians that act like pigs be called to account, anyhow, its all immaterial now, the coalition is soon to be relegated to the political history books so it wont really matter how they behave will it.
“There is nothing wrong in what Barnaby did, unless you are from the Far Far Right.”
I heard his wife and daughters feel differently.
So you are moralistic and judge on morals like in Church when it should be judged objectively. Hey, 40 percent of marriages end in divorce and it is rising.
In the US it is over 50 percent.
Margaret, you’re still missing the point. Barnaby is not being judged for “falling out of love and falling in again”; he’s being judged for his hypocrisy in proclaiming loudly that marriage equality would demolish the sacred institution of marriage, while at the same time he was having an extra-marital affair with an employee. That’s not an unsubstantiated allegation – they’ve both gone on TV and been paid $150k to lay it all out in their own words.
And the construction “falling out of love and falling in again” casts him as a passive object of fate, whereas he’s fully responsible for his actions in both directions.